Jeff RossGreetings, honorable members of The Overly Punny Honor Association of Trolls!
I have done some research, and the official position title of the top speechwriter in the USA is called “Assistant to the President and Director of Speechwriting”. He heads the Office of Speechwriting, which is within the larger Office of Communications. The writer makes over $170,000 per year, but that’s because it is a very difficult and important job. I am sure TOPHAT could have the same position while customizing the title specifically for the organization, but I will leave that to your discretion.
President Poulet Frit requested more information from me in order to properly customize a title for me. I was thinking about how best to answer Kristen’s questions for more information, but most of my attempts to do so have resulted in some excessively long explanatory posts. After much trial and error, here is what I came up with (it’s still long, but reasonably so):
Age:
I am between 0-2 years older than Matthew Bird. (Props to Josiah for his initial guess of “older than all of us”, since that was the closest one.)
I was officially awarded the diploma for my Master’s degree this month (but my classes actually finished months ago). {This is why I chuckle every time I read the Inner Tube Episode 179 comment section, where I was called a “master” by creatures who had no clue that I actually am one. The degree isn’t in writing, however, so I am still very honored by the compliments.}
I moved out of my family’s home and into my first apartment this month (hence the internet issues earlier).
You can correctly conclude from these three points that I am much more knowledgeable about theoretical matters than practical matters at this time in my life.
Fandom:
I am a Trube Fan of the Inner Tube podcast (and that is an official designation bestowed upon me specifically in Episode 159 at the 51:01-51:53 mark).
I discovered the Aux Cable because Ryan Matlock is in the Inner Circle.
Between the tube podcasts, there have been three question sets of mine answered on the shows: Inner Tube Episode 139 (the whole show, 26:26 long), Inner Tube Episode 160 (the 12:59-28:19 mark), & Aux Cable Episode 028 (the 21:31-27:08 mark). Connection: All three had Josh Taylor.
My first Inner Tube comment was on Episode 100, and my first Aux Cable comment was on Episode 030.
I am not on social media at all (unless you count the Inner Tube Community and the Not-Forum as social media). This may partially explain why I have time to craft such deep or lengthy posts and comments.
Other Things I’m Interested In:
I enjoy most kinds of sports, languages, and creative endeavors.
My favorite sport to watch is Australian Football (despite never having been to Australia).
My favorite language to learn is German (despite not having any German heritage).
My favorite creative endeavor is YouTube videos (despite not having my own channel).
Favorite Books:
Just listing my favorite book does not give a full picture of me. Here are my top five favorite books:
1. The NIV 1984 version of the Bible (what I was raised with and still use personally)
2. A world atlas (what I voluntarily spent most of my free time looking at before high-speed internet became a thing; I have forgotten more about geography than most people have ever learned)
3. A hymnal (it’s perfect for praising God through singing and/or playing keyboard while at home, and most songs in a hymnal took longer than five minutes to write)
4. “The Art of Language Invention” by David Peterson (the best overview of linguistics ever written, from the perspective of creating your own language)
5. “A Triune Tale of Diminutive Swine” by John Branyan (the best children’s book at testing vocabulary, even though it’s actually a joke intended for people who already know “The Three Little Pigs”)
Favorite TV Shows & Pixar Movie:
My favorite Canadian TV show of all time is Camp Cariboo. (Filmed in the 1980s but re-aired throughout the 1990s, this kids show celebrated the summer camping experience. It’s a show that Matthew Bird and Ryan Matlock would have loved growing up, because there were an abundance of jokes and puns in it. Sadly, very few clips of the show exist on the internet, and those that do aren’t even the best ones.)
My favorite American TV show of all time is the Andy Griffith Show. (Filmed in the 1960s, but based on a fictional small town that operated like the 1930s, the show managed to have an authenticity and a genuineness about it that many shows think they have to stray away from in order to make a production entertaining.)
My favorite Pixar movie is Cars 2 (for both artistic and sentimental reasons).
I don’t watch many TV shows or movies nowadays. (Most visual media I consume is from YouTube.)
Summary:
Here is a random fact that may encapsulate the sentiment of what I have written in this post:
In college, I once wrote a basketball scouting report entirely in Haikus because I was in the mood to do so. It was a good scouting report, even if you didn’t realize that it was written in Haikus. To God be the glory, for it would be very difficult for me to replicate that feat on my own strength.
From all this information, I would suppose that my TOPHAT title would be “Master Speechwriter”, but I will let you make full use of your creativity in contriving a title for me. I would prefer to see at least five different unique ideas before considering to settle for this suggestion of mine, lest groupthink keep me from receiving the most appropriate title.
Thank you again for considering me for membership in your selective association.
Sincerely,
Jeff Ross
Trube Fan
F.A.C.E.
[Here is where my TOPHAT title will go]
Jeff Ross(Or is there a sub-plot that I missed?)
Jeff Ross(Yeah, re-reading it it was definitely Link that they saw. Someone mistook his name for Zelda in order to give the full clue away for who it was.)
Jeff Ross(Hang on, I thought it was Link that they saw, not Zelda. Link is a guy, not a girl.)
Jeff RossSorry to hear that, Rebekah. We’ll definitely pray for your family.
Jeff Ross(I know I’m tired, so I could be misunderstanding this, but did you really mean to say “it opens Pilots of doors for storylines” or is that a typo?)
Jeff RossAiight
(That is a fun sketch. 😀 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBTH87GF1No [“We mustn’t forget that old rule: ‘i’ before ‘e’ except for times when you just want to add another ‘i'”])
Jeff RossThe Mudges are still in our prayers, Angie.
Please be sure to update us with any new information on the situation so that we can target our prayers accordingly.
Jeff Ross(So if it basically outright states her secret, is it really a secret? Am I looking tube hard for additional clues?)
Jeff RossInteresting.
Jeff RossGreetings to every F.A.C.E.!
Tube updates in this message for you:
1. Episode 181 of the Inner Tube has been out for a couple of days, which means that the official conclusion to the Episode 180 Kerfuffle is only four to five days away. We have over 50 comments, so I am indifferent on whether we post any more comments, but I did want to provide this reminder to anyone who has not left a comment there yet, in case you still wanted to.
The official stats for the Episode 180 comment section so far:
Jeff Ross: 30
Josiah the Carrot Stick: 8
Masøn M.: 7
Corban Garcia: 5
Manalive Smith: 1
Total: 51 comments
If more comments are added and the stats change, I’ll post a “final results” stats list on this thread when the Kerfuffle is officially complete.
2. Episode 181 released on the birthday of Corban Garcia (the guy who does the show notes for the Inner Tube) and he got a shout-out from Josh in the episode. If you didn’t get a chance to wish Corban a “happy belated birthday” but would still like to do so, the Episode 181 comment section would be someplace where you could leave a message and he would see it. We aren’t intending to kerfuffle that comment section, but leaving an extra birthday well-wish is completely appropriate.
Sincerely,
Jeff Ross
Trube Fan
F.A.C.E.
Almost ready for that TOPHAT title
Jeff RossGreetings, honorable members of The Overly Punny Honor Association of Trolls!
This is a reminder that I will be posting some information on this thread before this coming tubesday regarding myself in order to complete my application for an official title and rank in TOPHAT. I think I have all the information written up in a digestible format, but I am waiting at least a day before releasing it so that I can make doubly sure that it is not excessively long, detailed, or wordy (which is a challenge for me, since succinctness is not my strong suit). I do think it will be worth the wait. If you are extremely bored (and I mean extremely bored) and want to try to figure some of the information out ahead of time, check out my conversation with Christopher Green in the Inner Tube Community. It recently moved to the top of the “Last Activity” tab there, even though it took place roughly six months ago. Most of it has nothing to do with what I’ll put in the TOPHAT thread, but it will give a vague clue as to my age range.
Sincerely,
Jeff Ross
Trube Fan
F.A.C.E.
Almost ready for that TOPHAT title
Jeff RossSpelling bee
(which is technically one compound word)
Jeff RossMoo
(It was tube many pages)
Jeff Ross(I see lots of clues, but I feel like there’s a reference that I just don’t know yet, so I can’t outline what the secret is. I’m curious to see if Masøn M. can reveal the secret before the Giant Bunny tries to eat Josiah and accidentally eliminates Triste from the story.)
Jeff RossThe Mudges are in our prayers, Angie.
Aside from the boy in the hospital, was everyone else okay?
Jeff Ross(I don’t think hashtags are bound by traditional spelling rules.)
Jeff RossTube
Many
Words
Jeff RossUpdate: Later today the latest episode of the Inner Tube should be released. Episode 181 will feature Gret Glyer, an Inner Circle member, making his second appearance on the show, and it is hyped as being more entertaining than the first time he was on (Episode 137).
In the meantime, maybe we could get the Episode 180 comment section to over 50 comments? We’re at 48 right now. That’s up to 16 now only three times.
Jeff RossWe interrupt this fantastical tale to bring you an important message:
“Hi, I’m Ryan Matlock. Are you looking for love but are tired of not finding success on dating websites? Frustrated from asking people out on a date only to have them give you the cold shoulder? Disappointed when your crush hasn’t responded to any of your 943 direct messages? Well wander alone no more with the Infatuation Station™! For just $16 per week, you can have unlimited access to our patented, luxurious, state-of-the-art kiosk that lets you meet people as desperate for love as you are. Here’s how it works: Sign up over the phone with your credit card information and address, and we’ll make sure that the Infatuation Station™ is as far away from your place of residence as possible. Download our app for iphone or android to locate where the Infatuation Station™ is at any particular moment. Fly across oceans, trek over mountains, forage through the wilderness, or walk down the street until you reach your destination station. Then we’ll pair you up with someone who was just as much of a sucker as you are…I mean just as dedicated to the concept of true love as you are. Once you have a match, you will be sent a Facebook friend request so that you two can be friends on Facebook. Then go home and stalk away, totally loving the fact that someone as crazy as you are took the time to send you a friend request. Once you’ve learned enough about that person to know that you won’t want to date them, come on back and we’ll pair you up with someone new. Who knows? You might even find someone that you’re remotely interested in. Plus you’ll have visited a new nation station, traveled by various means of transportation station, and felt jubilation station by the time you reach the kiosk.
And, if you call in within the next 16 seconds, we’ll let you download the app for free! That’s right, the app will be free. This app not only lets you locate the Infatuation Station™, but it also gives you discounts for Ryanair plane tickets, which you can use if your journey leads you to Europe. So what are you waiting for? Call today, and don’t let procrastination station keep you from reaching your dreams with the Infatuation Station™.”
Announcer: Call 1-888-555-SCAM to sign up for the Infatuation Station™ now! Meeting your new Facebook friends in-person is not guaranteed. We are not responsible for any headache, heartache, hassle, expense, or donkeys that you encounter from trying to locate the kiosk.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled fantastical tale, already in progress.
(This commercial was inspired by the “Kristen’s potential love interest” chatter that took place after Dawn’s memory scene. Masøn seemed to set up the story perfectly for a commercial break.)
Jeff RossI’m sure the appropriate response to to say “Tweet tweet!” right back to Matthew. You know, greet him back in his native language.
In other words, we should retweet him. 😀
(I’m sure if he were actually in peril, Angie would have done something to help him. Right?)
Jeff RossMy guess is “Becca” short for “Rebecca”. Then again, it could be “Bob” short for “Roberta”.
Jeff Ross(I wanted to interject quick and say that I just copied all of the story into a word document and read it straight through without knowing who wrote which section, trying to enjoy it as if one author penned the work at once. I do think that introducing “Time Lords” is an interesting way to bypass the story’s original premise of “This tale takes place in a time of dragons, knights, kings, queens, and outhouses.” So far, this story doesn’t have a dragon, knight, king, queen, or outhouse in it at all. Not that it needs those things, but it is fascinating to observe how quickly a story can digress when it is developed using this “anyone who wants can write the next part” format.)
Jeff RossI am not, but Josh and Kevin’s twitter are accessible via the “About” tab of innertubeshow.com, and I check there first for information when a show has not been released on schedule.
Breaking News: This afternoon Corban commented a couple more times on Episode 180’s comment section. We now return you to your regularly scheduled commenting.
Jeff RossAccording to Josh’s twitter, he had forgotten that Kevin is in Chile this week, so he didn’t have an extra episode recorded ahead of time. He’s figuring out what to do for this week’s episode, but it will come out later this week, if not this evening. WWBTR won’t get a new episode until next week. Josh said that he regretted not recording another Inner Tube while people from Blimeycon were still in Nashville.
Thankfully, we still have the Episode 180 comment section. 😀
Jeff RossI am curious as to why Kristen’s family has no automatic transmissions. Most cars in North America are automatic, because gas is cheap and most people need a car for transport, and for farther distances. (Historically, gas being more expensive overseas led to most cars in Europe and Asia being manual transmissions, since you can theoretically save more fuel in manual. It’s a much smaller advantage today than it was 20 years ago, as automatic transmissions have improved.)
Jeff RossAppreciate
(Because it rhymes)
Jeff RossLove
Jeff RossThanks for your help, Josiah!
I’d appreciate if some others get the chance to respond to my Episode 180 comments today as well.
Right now here are the commenters:
Jeff Ross: 28
Josiah the Carrot Stick: 6
Masøn M.: 5
Corban Garcia: 3
Manalive Smith: 1
Total: 43
You probably don’t even need to listen to the episode at this point with the sheer number of comments I posted. I even made sure that there was an Aux Cable reference. 🙂
This should be the final stage of the Kerfuffle, so we can extend the deadline for comments through next week. Any comments that can be posted today, though, will be especially appreciated.
Sincerely,
Jeff Ross
Trube Fan
F.A.C.E.
Don’t worry. I’ll have the TOPHAT title application finished by the time the Kerfuffle is officially over.
Jeff RossHmmm… based on my comments on Inner Tube Episode 180, I suggest that Daniel Elliott with the channel “Mocistone” will make it eventually. It’s only a matter of time. (If you watch all seven of his videos, you’ll get that joke.)
