Jeff RossBuoy
Jeff RossBuy
Jeff RossThrifty
Jeff RossPure brilliance, Brooke, to end it in such a way as to ensure that it wasn’t an awkward love poem.
Jeff RossI was reading this and thinking that it would have made more sense to write Matthew Bird in as the love interest in “Once Upon a Time, Part 1” until I got to the https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
That’s when I fully understood this poem. Genius!
Jeff RossIs this where Masøn will give his review of his new Switch?
Jeff RossAusgezeichnet!
Jeff RossCash
Jeff RossI think that the Inner Tube Episode 182 comment section strengthened the #CaseForKumquat. It really did.
Jeff RossKa-ching
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjNjquGuI3o)
Jeff RossI concur!
Jeff RossGood summary of what I wrote, Josiah. Your brevity is to be commended.
Jeff RossTelephone
Jeff RossIt’s a very polite thing to do. 🙂
Jeff RossMelody
Jeff RossHere’s a few things, Kristen:
1. Remind Kaitlyn that it is difficult to do most things when blinking extremely fast. In order to blink extremely fast, you have to apply most of your focus, concentration, and energy upon blinking. Your family is neither mentally nor physically handicapped for struggling with that attempt to multi-task.
2. You and your sister should know that “retarded” is not a word to be used under any contexts in modern society. It’s original use has been replaced by the word “autistic” in most situations and its slang use is excruciatingly demeaning.
3. Why is your sister (or anyone else in your family) blinking extremely fast in the first place, especially while trying to eat? [Not a rhetorical question; I am actually curious as to the circumstances surrounding this unusual inquiry.]
Pardon me for not understanding why someone would unnecessarily insult their own family for the sake of a cheap laugh from an acquaintance on the internet. {Seriously, speaking excessively derogatorily of your relatives and then saying “hugs and love” to a creature on the internet you barely know? That kind of crass foolishness is beyond the acceptable level of trolling that you should post to the internet, Kristen, let alone the Not-Forum. #Unpresidential}
Before you respond, please read Proverbs 27:5-6, Proverbs 9:8, & Proverbs 15:1-2 so that this situation does not escalate further. Thank you.
Jeff RossPound sign (#)
Jeff RossCar
Jeff RossWe interrupt this increasingly fantastical tale to bring you an important message:
“Wow, what a cliff-jumping cliffhanger. Has someone ever said “I am not your lover” to you? Are you looking for someone to love in spite of your, ahem, “shortcomings”? Hi, I’m Ryan Matlock, and I’m here to bring you a message of hope. Did you know that there are creatures out there who are looking for someone to love, just like you are? Does that sound tube good to be trube? Well, it’s not. Let me introduce you to the Infatuation Station™! For just two payments of $16 per week, you can have unlimited access to our patented, luxurious, state-of-the-art automated kiosk that lets you meet people as desperate for romance as you are. Here’s how it works: Sign up over the phone with your credit card information and address, and we’ll make sure that the Infatuation Station™ is somewhere in your world and time dimension. Download our newly updated app for iphone, android, or Windows Phone to locate where the Infatuation Station™ is at any particular moment. Fly down cliffs, trek over valleys, fall into holes, or walk 30 miles between meatloaf restaurants until you reach your destination station. Then we’ll pair you up with someone who probably won’t mind your personality and behavioral “quirks”. Once you have a match, you will be sent a Facebook friend request so that you two can be friends on Facebook. Then go home and stalk away, totally adoring the fact that someone as insane as you are took the time to send you a friend request, and that you can learn about them without having to make your father disappear. Once you’ve learned enough about that person to know that you may not want to date them after all, come on back and we’ll pair you up with someone new. Who knows? You might even find someone that you’re remotely interested in, or better yet, isn’t “turned off” by your “questionable history”.
And, if you call in within the next 16 seconds, we’ll let you download the app for half-price! That’s right, only half-price! This app not only lets you locate the Infatuation Station™, but it also gives you discounts for Ryanair plane tickets, which is great if you forgot to prepare your own personal flying device ahead of time. So what are you waiting for? Call now!”
Announcer: Call 1-877-555-SCAM to sign up for the Infatuation Station™! Meeting your new Facebook friends in-person is not guaranteed. We are not responsible for any headache, heartache, hassle, expense, spiders, butterflies, apocalypses, or donkeys that you encounter from attempting to use our services.
“Don’t keep reliving romantic nightmares with procrastination station. Start pursuing your dreams again by signing up for the Infatuation Station™ today!”
We now return you to your regularly scheduled increasingly fantastical tale, already in progress.
(To me it seemed like a cliffhanger where a guy just jumped off a cliff was the perfect moment for a Ryan Matlock commercial. Hopefully you can spot all the differences from the commercial on page four, as well as the customization station that this commercial underwent to fit better with the plot so far.)
Jeff RossGreetings to every F.A.C.E.!
With the release of Episode 182, the Inner Tube Episode 180 Comment Kerfuffle is officially over. No new comments were made since my last update, so I shall not re-post the stats. Episode 179 was more successful, but Episode 180 still ranks in the top 5 all time for Inner Tube comment sections, even if you ignore all of the comments that I made. Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on both episodes. This was a different style of Kerfuffle than the previous ones y’all have done, but one more befitting to the Inner Tube podcast. You are still welcome to post comments on either episode, but I will not be updating statistics for doing so.
Now that the Inner Tube Kerfuffles are over, it will be a while until the next Comment Kerfuffle. Be sure to leave suggestions on this thread of where, why, and when to kerfuffle next.
Sincerely,
Jeff Ross
Trube Fan
F.A.C.E.
Still waiting on a few F.A.C.E.s to read the TOPHAT thread and suggest a title for me
Jeff RossRobes
Jeff RossBrilliantly done. Dankeschön for sharing that with us, Josiah! 😀
Jeff Rosspyrrhic
Jeff RossLatin
Jeff Ross(This was a fascinating development, but it is a bit tricky to follow how much of it is progression in the story arc and how much of it is flashback. At first glance [or “Glanz” if you will], this section seems to be 90% flashback.)
Jeff RossLatvia
Jeff RossThen again, we could go the other way by saying “The Official Wordsmith for The TOPHAT Officials”, emphasizing “The” each time with a flourish in order to focus the listener’s attention to the title’s validity and exclusivity simultaneously. (This would be similar to people who say that they attended “The Ohio State University” instead of “Ohio State University” [which you may hear if the players announce their own starting line-ups for an NFL television broadcast; it may sound pretentious, but it actually is the official name of that particular university].)
Jeff RossSpies
Jeff Ross(I just realized that Josiah’s comment of “RIP this thread” wasn’t in parentheses.)
Jeff RossI thought of a word that might work better in a title than simply “Speechwriter”. I know that there is no official governmental position with this word in the title, but it might be something that could fit within the context of TOPHAT. The word is: “Wordsmith”.
No obligation to use this word, but I thought it might be a good word to consider.
