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Also, I don’t know how I missed this before, but the “everyone’s in a simulation” thing was a carry-over from Part One that got canceled. Peter was the only one who was ever in a simulation and now he’s out.

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Since the whole group knew about Kristen’s offer to Mason (for some reason) and Kristen let everyone go (for some reason), it became pretty clear that we can’t go forward with Mason being a double agent, but I thought it would create some interesting tension if we establish that Mason WOULD’VE betrayed the group because he wants his essence back that badly. Also, we were kinda starting to go in circles with the essence-collecting and who’s-playing-who thing so it was important to reestablish some of Kristen’s motivation.

I would’ve liked to perfect that dialogue, but with the way this website is set up you only get one shot, so I guess we’re stuck with what’s written.

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“If I had a legitimate chance to get all of my essence back, I would’ve taken it by now and there’s not a thing you could do about it,” asserted Mason, eyes locked in a duel with Josiah’s.

An icy silence descended upon the room.

“You think I haven’t already figured out how Brooke and Douglas transported here? What’s in that box he’s been carrying around?” Mason continued, “I could grab the Power Bracelet and teleport back to Kristen before you knew what happened. If I believed for a second that Kristen would deliver on her offer, there isn’t a single one of you that I wouldn’t walk through to get make life back.”

“Mason-” Dawn began.

“I spent an eternity underground, without a soul, without an identity. You could live a thousand lifetimes and not even begin to scrape the surface of the gaping emptiness that Brooke, Dawn and I have stared into every day. And I denied a clear-cut solution to my problem because I recognize a deal with the devil when I see one.”

Josiah took a step back; Mason took a step forward and continued.

“Maybe I’m not a good guy anymore, you know, maybe she took that from me too. But I know for a fact that the only way I’m getting my essence back is by force. And all the time that we waste on this double-agent nonsense brings us that much closer to Kristen possibly unleashing another apocalypse.”

Mason took a step back and scanned the concerned faces of his friends. A simple ‘No, I’m not going to betray you guys,’ probably would have sufficed. Frustration and exasperation had overcome him and he needed a release.

A familiar yellow glow lit up Mason’s peripheral vision and he felt Dawn put a hand on his shoulder.

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Forgot to share it. Here you go.

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I hate that the only new things I’ve been able to release are meme videos, but I’ve got a new one coming at 3pm PST.

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Why is the Phantom with the group when he was the one who captured them and delivered them to Kristen?

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Ah, gotcha.

Doesn’t quite seem like the deal would’ve gone either way since it doesn’t seem like Kristen would’ve let them go so easily unless she had a deal with Mason.

But regardless, would the power bracelet still be in Hyrule at this point? Or is it in the TOPHAT HQ?

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I can’t remember who brought it up, but it’s the big mcguffin that we need to know about in order to move the plot forward.

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So what’s the deal with the power bracelet?

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Oh, cool.

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How’s the episode coming?

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You definitely need to watch it twice. There’s a lot to unpack.

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(Ya’ll got any more of them E N T R I E S ?)

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I’m genuinely uncomfortable with how good this is

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Working on a review of Rian Johnson’s last movie before The Last Jedi comes out. In the meantime, I just released two Star Wars meme videos.

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I currently have no involvement with the fan episode. I didn’t read through enough of the thread to know what their plan is.

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Anyway, I guess the biggest question is where the Power Bracelet is since that’s the main thing that Kristen is after.

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So they all met up in what remains of TOPHAT HQ, from there the only issue is that Ryan, Douglas and the silver box aren’t mentioned in the new entry.

There technically aren’t any continuity issues in the new entry since you could say that Ryan and Douglas are there, just not mentioned. I’m more annoyed with how we keep jumping these massive periods of time.

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What happened to Douglas and Ryan? And what happened to going to TOPHAT headquarters?

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Stormtroopers getting beat by Ewoks

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Also, among the numerous stupid features in the Darth Vader suit, Palpatine installed a button that does absolutely nothing but beep at random intervals. Its only purpose seems to be to annoy Vader.

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It’s heavily implied that Lord Kumquat might be the voice that helped Peter in his dream. From there, one would assume he knows something about the time lord home world scenario that Peter was transported into.

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Because that’s what Patrick Warburton’s voice makes it sound like.

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So an Irish man walks out of a bar

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It’ll probably be a while before we’re all in the right creative mood to put a dent in this story again, but I just want to say that I don’t want people to feel intimidated by how weirdly into this I’ve been. I’ve got plans, more plans than are reasonable for a game on the forum of a semi-dead podcast, but if someone does something that completely changes the dynamic of the story or of a character, I’m completely up for rolling with the punches. Part of the fun, at least I think, comes from those moments where someone takes it in a direction that you weren’t expecting and we all have to adjust accordingly.

Also, sorry for making a 7-page entry that mostly revolves around the Drake and Josh theme song. I don’t know what weird place my mind was at when I pumped that out.

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Sorry, *hear aboot it

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Having two “””””””””””middle””””””””””” names, pineapple being the most common pizza topping, and getting arrested for thought crimes. Canada just gets stranger every time I hear about it.

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Peter shot up out of his simulation pod in ACCU Room 236, shattering the glass as he sat upright. The numerous Franklin’s jumped back as the still screaming Peter tried to come to grips with his reality. All Peter could remember is that Douglas had told him these guys were bad so he jumped out of his pod and sprinted for the door. One of the Franklin’s picked up a rifle and started firing shots at Peter. He ducked and dodged out of the way of every single blast fired his way, finally making his way to the door. He slammed his hand on the button that opened the door, but as the door slid open his path was blocked by a large orange object. Peter flew back and slammed into the far wall, being held there by an invisible force. The large orange object levitated into the room.
“GOOD TO SEE YOU’RE AWAKE NOW, PETER. WE HAVE A FEW THINGS TO DISCUSS.”
————————————————————————————————————————————————–
“ANY UPDATES ON DOUGLAS?” the Kumquat asked the hologram of Franklin 7789.

“He has successfully made a second portal leap. We’re still getting a signal from his tracking device, but it’s growing fainter. The last time we were able to complete a successful scan, he was with someone else: female, presumably a time lord.”

“VERIFY THOSE QUARDINATES AND PREPARE DELTA SQUAD FOR IMMEDIATE DEPLOYMENT. WE CAN’T AFFORD TO LOSE THAT LEAD.”

“It will be done,” confirmed Franklin 7789 as the hologram flickered off.

The giant levitating fruit turned back towards Peter, who was handcuffed and had a Franklin holding him at rifle point.

“THIS HARDLY SEEMS NECESSARY.”

“Excuse me, my lord?” inquired the Franklin.

“I BELIEVE PETER HAS GOTTEN MOST OF THE INITIAL SHOCK FROM HIS DREAMING OUT. HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO BEHAVE HIMSELF NOW. UN-CUFF HIM.”

A second Franklin, also holding a rifle, coaxed the first one on, indicating that he’d cover him. The first Franklin reluctantly lowered his weapon and unlocked Peter’s handcuffs. Peter rubbed his wrists and glared at the Franklin, who quickly raised his rifle again. Peter then turned his attention back towards the kumquat.

“DID YOU ENJOY YOUR DREAMING?”

“Spare me the small talk, I know you wouldn’t have woken me up unless you needed me.”

“I WAS MERELY TRYING TO BE POLITE. I DON’T THINK YOU’RE STUPID. BUT I ALSO HAVE TO WONDER HOW MUCH YOU ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT THIS ALL THIS. OR EVEN YOUR OWN HISTORY, FOR THAT MATTER. WHO’S YOUR FAMILY? PETER… WHO ARE YOU?”

Completely disarmed, Peter stared beyond the kumquat. The room fell silent and remained that way for several minutes.

“PETER CLIFTON, CITIZEN OF EARTH AND PRESUMABLY AN EARTHLING UNTIL YOU START TO NOTICE A FEW INCONSISTENCIES IN THE STORY: LIKE HOW HIS STEP-MOTHER AND GRANDFATHER CAN’T AGREE ON A BIRTH YEAR, LET ALONE A BIRTH DAY OR THE NIGHT TERRORS AND FLASHBACKS WHERE LITTLE PETER SEES SKYSCRAPERS, SPACESHIPS, AND CELL PHONES. HE EXPERIENCES MEMORIES THAT AREN’T HIS AND MEMORIES THAT WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TAKEN FROM HIM IN A VAIN ATTEMPT TO PROTECT HIM. AND AFTER A BIT OF DIGGING THROUGH THE DEEPER FILES OF T.O.P.H.A.T, ONE MIGHT FIND THAT PETER WASN’T BORN IN 1080 ANNO DOMMINI, BUT RATHER ENGINIEERED AND CREATED IN STAR DATE 7,000,087,000 BY A DERANGED FORMER TYRANT WHO TRIED TO ENSLAVE THE EARTH (AND WHEN THAT FAILED, TRIED TO DESTROY THE UNIVERSE). YOU WERE A GENETIC/SPIRITUAL EXPERIMENT, IMPERFECT IN THE EYES OF YOUR CREATOR, SENT AWAY TO HIDE AMONGST THE HUMANS SO THAT SHE COULDN’T UNDO WHAT SHE HAD MADE AND RESTORE HER FULL POWER. AND WHEN THE HIGHER UPS THOUGHT THAT THE THREAT HAD BEEN NUETRALIZED, THEY TRIED TO TAKE YOUR MEMEORIES AND ASSIGNED YOU A FAMILY, WHERE YOU WOULD BE RAISED CATHOLIC AND BELIEVE THAT THERE WAS NO GREATER ADVENTURE IN LIFE THAN TO PLAY MUSIC IN A CITY OF SIX THOUSAND PEOPLE.”

Lord Kumquat gave Peter a few minutes to digest all of this. He hoped that Peter would say something, but no such luck.

“THAT THREAT THAT WAS THOUGHT TO HAVE BEEN LOCKED AWAY SO LONG AGO IS BACK AND I’M GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE DOWN KRISTEN. YOU CAN HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO STAND BEFORE HER AND ASK ALL THOSE QUESTIONS YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK YOUR MOM, BEFORE WE TAKE HER POWERS FOR GOOD. ALL THOSE RETCHED, UGLY THOUGHTS THAT ABANDONMENT PUTS IN YOU: YOU CAN FINALLY THROW AT HER-“

“Even if I were interested,” snarled Peter, “why would I ever trust you?”

“THIS IS ABOUT SOMETHING THAT DOUGLAS SAID, ISN’T IT? PETER, I ASSURE YOU, T.O.P.H.A.T HAS BEEN SPREADING LIES ABOUT US FOR YEARS. ANY THREAT TO THEIR ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY IS ATTACKED WITH THE KIND OF FEROCITY THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE RESERVED FOR INTER-GALACTIC THREATS. FOR BILLIONS OF YEARS, THEY’VE HELPED PROP UP THE FIRST-BORN LINEAGE WITHIN TIME LORD SOCIETY AND DELT HALF-MEASURES TO EVERY MAJOR ISSUE WE’VE FACED. BUT WHEN OUR FACTION STARTS GETTING RESULTS, SUDDENLY THEY HAVE TO SEND IN SPIES AND FIND A WAY TO UNDERMINE US. PETER, WE WANT THE SAME THING: WE BOTH WANT TO STOP KRISTEN. THE A.C.C.U HAS THE ONLY MEANS OF KEEPING KIRSTEN FROM EVER TAKING OVER AGAIN.”

Peter and Lord Kumquat just stared at each other for a minute. Then Peter took another look around the room, observing all the guards.

“I don’t suppose you can spare enough Franklins to force my hand in this matter.”

“I SUPPOSE NOT. ESPECIALLY NOT WITH YOU SLOWLY STARTING TO DISCOVER YOUR OWN POWERS.”

“Why would you-“ started an exasperated Franklin.

“SILENCE,” Lord Kumquat ordered sternly.

“So, that leaves me with a choice,” examined Peter, “as to whether or not I help you. And I choose **not** to side with the shady secret organization.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“FOLLOW ME, PETER.”

“No.”

Peter was lifted off the ground and then slammed violently against the ground. The clicking of 12 Franklins raising their guns echoed within the room.

“WE CAN’T WASTE RESOURCES TRANSPORTING A STUBBORN OX ONTO A BATTLEFIELD, BUT WE HAVE PLENTY OF GUARDS TO MOVE YOU INTO THE NEXT ROOM WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT. I SUGGEST YOU DON’T MAKE THIS ANY MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT ALREADY IS.”

Peter slowly rose to his feet, nose bloodied, and raised his hands above his head. He followed the levitating kumquat out the door. The trip to the room that Lord Kumquat was referring to was brief. They arrived to see several lab coat-clad Franklins surrounding a glass enclosure that had been partially draped in a curtain.

“I REALLY HOPED THAT IT WOULDN’T COME TO THIS PETER. YOU HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR GREATNESS, IF YOU WOULD ONLY SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE. NOW, IF YOU TAKE NO OTHER LESSONS AWAY FROM TODAY, I HOPE YOU REMEMBER THIS: WHEN RECRUITING, ALWAYS HAVE MORE THAN ONE KIND OF LEVERAGE PREPARED. AND WITH THAT SAID, I HAVE SOMEONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO MEET YOU. PULL THE CURTAIN!”

The curtain dropped to reveal….

“Carlos?”

The llama stood in an enclosure visually similar to the horse stall he had back home.

“Hey ?️eter”

“What did you do to him!?”

“WE REPLACED HIS VOICE WITH THE VOICE OF WORLD RENOWNED VOICE ACTOR PATRICK WARBURTON.”

“Who?”

“HE DID KRONK FROM EMPEROR’S NEW GROOVE, JOE FROM FAMILY GUY, KEN FROM THE BEE MOVIE, HE WAS ON SEINFELD FOR A WHILE-“

“Oh, okay. Yeah, I thought I recognized that voice.”

“?️eter. Don’t worry about me ?️eter, I’m actually enjoying this quite a bit.”

“Yeah, this doesn’t really seem like much a very threatening gesture. How is this supposed to get me to your side?”

“WELL, **I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SO SIMPLE. BUT I FOUND A WAY… I FOUND A WAAAAAAAAY**.”

Right on queue, one of the Franklins sitting behind the main control panel flipped a switch. A familiar guitar riff started up.

“Is this the Drake And Josh theme song?” asked Peter.

“YEP.”

“Again, I’m pretty on board with this,” said Carlos, “this is quite nostalgic.”

“How is this nostalgic for you? You don’t even know what a TV show is, how would you have watched Drake And Josh?”

“I always thought it’d be too crazy but,” Carlos sang along, “I found a way, I found a waaaaaaaay!”

“Seriously, where are you going with this?”

“WELL, CLEARLY **IT’S GONNA TAKE SOME TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME TO REALIIIIIIIIIZE**… HOW AWFUL THIS IS.”

“Good one, m’lord,” said one of the Franklin’s behind the control board.

“THANK YOU 1114. NOW FIRE UP THE ACCELERATOR!”

Suddenly, Carlos’s body began to remove rapidly. The slightest movements on his body flickered and a nauseating speed.

“What are you doing?”

“FAST FORWARDING. IN JUST A FEW MOMENTS, CARLOS WILL HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT LISTEN TO THAT SONG FOR A YEAR STRAIGHT.”

Carlos’s body began to slow down again. His fur was matted and covered in sweat. His eyes were bloodshot and his teeth were gritted. He let out a scream and only then did one of the Franklins the song.

“You have to get me out of here, ?️eter! They didn’t even play the full version, it was the 30-second TV opening edit! I’M LOSING IT, BETER!”

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Peter said, with concern in his voice, “I’m not going to help a deranged lunatic get his hands on a power source like Kristen.”

“DERANGED LUNATIC? SEEMS A BIT HARSH PETER. **IF YOU LOOK INSIDE I’M SURE YOU’LL FIND**-“

Carlos shrieks and smacks his head against the glass.

“THAT MY PLAN IS WHAT’S BEST FOR EVERYONE. I’VE BEEN COMPLETELY REASONABLE WITH YOU, THE FACT THAT IT’S EVEN COME TO THIS IS ABSURD. WHY CAN’T WE LEARN TO TRUST EACH OTHER? I DON’T WANT TO CONSTANTLY BE **OVER YOUR SHOULDER**-“

“I want to die!” screamed Carlos.

“You’re not going to break me. I’m not going to be a pawn in your scheme.”

“BREAK YOU? OH NO, PETER, I DON’T WANT TO BREAK YOU. I WOULD NEVER WANT TO BREAK YOU. IN FACT, DON’T **YOU KNOW THAT I’LL ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP WHEN YOU’RE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN**-“

“Death can’t come soon enough!”

“Hey, boss,” said a Franklin, standing with his back to his control panel, clearly setting up for a bad gag, “where’d my workstation go?”

“**JUST TURN AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUND**”
“Oooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh,” grooved the entire room full of Franklins, as Carlos screams out.

“Carlos, look, buddy, I know this is painful, but I know you can hold out. We used to do stuff like this all the time.”

“A year’s worth of it? I don’t think so. I can’t take this anymore, ?️eter.”

“I know, it’s a bit much, but you’ve gotta hold out. I mean, if this is the worst torture that they can come up with-“

“TORTURE? OH, MY DEAR NAÏVE BOY. THIS ISN’T TORTURE, THIS IS A TUESDAY NIGHT. WE WERE JUST HAVING SOME FUN.”

Lord Kumquat drew in close to Peter.

“WE MAY HAVE GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT, BUT THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH. I’VE PRESENTED YOU WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO FULFIL YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE, TO STRIKE DOWN THE ONE WHO’S ABANDONED YOU AND THREATENS TO DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU KNOW AND LOVE. I SAW SOMETHING IN YOU PETER. I SAW FIRE, I SAW GRIT. I SAW RAW, UNTAMED POWER, JUST WAITING TO BE AIMED AT INJUSTICE AND EVIL. IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE WHAT IS POSSIBLE, WHAT YOU COULD BE MOLDED INTO. YOU’RE GOING TO SPIT IN THE FACE OF AN OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS BECAUSE A DISGRUNTLED SECRET AGENT TOLD YOU THAT WE’RE EVIL?”

“Douglas said that someone named Valdra Muinthel was going to use my essence to power a doomsday device,” said Peter, staring at the floor and suddenly questioning what he knows, “that’s all he said.”

“THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, I PROMISE YOU. PETER… IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO W A K E_U P.”

Peter looked up at the kumquat.

“What did you say?”

An invisible hand wiped away the last of the blood from Peter’s nose. Even though Lord Kumquat didn’t really have a face, the two shared a glance.

“PETER, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE. CARLOS AND HIS COW FRIEND WILL BE WELL TAKEN CARE OF HERE, BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO PERSUADE YOU. T.O.P.H.A.T HAS ALREADY BEEN COMPROMISED, WHO KNOWS WHAT OTHER FACTIONS WITHIN THE TIME LORD COMMUNITY WILL FALL IF KRISTEN GETS HER WAY. SOON SHE WILL GROW TOO POWERFUL TO STOP AND ONCE SHE DOES SHE WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE THAT YOU HOLD DEAR. YOU ARE TOO IMPORTANT TO THIS MISSION FOR ME TO LEAVE ON THE SIDELINES. WILL YOU HELP ME?”

Peter stared back at him.

“You’ll have a lot of questions to answer when we get back.”

“FAIR ENOUGH.”

“But we have a galaxy to save. I’m in.”

“EXCELLENT,” said Lord Kumquat, before turning back to one of the panels and pulling up a hologram of a Franklin in stealth armor.

“FRANKLIN AB42, IS YOUR SQUAD READY FOR IMMEDIATE DEPARTURE?”

“Locked and loaded sir. We’re 15 Franklins strong and have the specialty extraction gear that you requested.”

No, Lord Kumquat telepathically told one of the Franklins at the control panel for Carlos’s cell, that won’t be necessary for now.

A mechanical tentacle with a needle at the end had been hovering inches above Carlos’s back. The tentacle quickly retracted before Carlos or Peter could notice.

Keep “Protocol Bee” on the short-cuts menu, the kumquat transmitted to the Franklin, be ready to begin broadcast cameras if I call for it.

“VERY GOOD AB42,” Lord Kumquat said back into the hologram, “WE’LL MEET YOU AT THE SHIP IN 15 MINUTES. WE JUST NEED TO PICK UP PETER’S ARMOR.”

“Be careful out there, ?️eter,” said Carlos.

“You take care of yourself too buddy,” Peter said back, “Once this is all said and done, we can finally get back to doing music again.”

“Honestly, I could use a little break from music for a while.”

“Completely understandable. See you soon, bud.”

Peter followed Lord Kumquat down the hallway and into the elevator.

“You’re going to fix his voice when this is all done, right?”

“MAYBE.”

The two descended towards the armory and the hangar, as Peter mentally prepared himself mentally to confront his kinda-sorta-but-not-really Mom.

[Author]

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