TOPHAT

[Manalive Smith]

And personally I think he’s somewhere between 12 and 17.

[Jeff Ross]

Time for a quick interjection:

I am busy contriving a creative and appropriate (not-tube-long) list of my favorite things and other helpful tidbits of information relevant to my potential title in TOPHAT, but I am curious to hear what Dawn’s guess is for how roughly how old she thinks I am, since I answered her podcast question. Odds are that I’m older than Dawn, despite the fact that I haven’t read enough of the Not-Forum to know how old she is.

One hint for Josiah’s sake: I am older than 12 years old. Having younger siblings, I also believe creatures that post online content should be at least 13 years old.

[Dawn]

Guys, I know his age. It’s over the age of twelve XD

I’m amazing I know. I’ll take a bow now.

Just for the sake of the InnerTube, I’m going to guess Jeff is up to 16 now.

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

This is most intriguing.

[Jeff Ross]

Greetings, honorable members of The Overly Punny Honor Association of Trolls!

This is a reminder that I will be posting some information on this thread before this coming tubesday regarding myself in order to complete my application for an official title and rank in TOPHAT. I think I have all the information written up in a digestible format, but I am waiting at least a day before releasing it so that I can make doubly sure that it is not excessively long, detailed, or wordy (which is a challenge for me, since succinctness is not my strong suit). I do think it will be worth the wait. If you are extremely bored (and I mean extremely bored) and want to try to figure some of the information out ahead of time, check out my conversation with Christopher Green in the Inner Tube Community. It recently moved to the top of the “Last Activity” tab there, even though it took place roughly six months ago. Most of it has nothing to do with what I’ll put in the TOPHAT thread, but it will give a vague clue as to my age range.

Sincerely,

Jeff Ross
Trube Fan
F.A.C.E.
Almost ready for that TOPHAT title

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Excellent.

[Jeff Ross]

Greetings, honorable members of The Overly Punny Honor Association of Trolls!

I have done some research, and the official position title of the top speechwriter in the USA is called “Assistant to the President and Director of Speechwriting”. He heads the Office of Speechwriting, which is within the larger Office of Communications. The writer makes over $170,000 per year, but that’s because it is a very difficult and important job. I am sure TOPHAT could have the same position while customizing the title specifically for the organization, but I will leave that to your discretion.

President Poulet Frit requested more information from me in order to properly customize a title for me. I was thinking about how best to answer Kristen’s questions for more information, but most of my attempts to do so have resulted in some excessively long explanatory posts. After much trial and error, here is what I came up with (it’s still long, but reasonably so):

Age:
I am between 0-2 years older than Matthew Bird. (Props to Josiah for his initial guess of “older than all of us”, since that was the closest one.)
I was officially awarded the diploma for my Master’s degree this month (but my classes actually finished months ago). {This is why I chuckle every time I read the Inner Tube Episode 179 comment section, where I was called a “master” by creatures who had no clue that I actually am one. The degree isn’t in writing, however, so I am still very honored by the compliments.}
I moved out of my family’s home and into my first apartment this month (hence the internet issues earlier).
You can correctly conclude from these three points that I am much more knowledgeable about theoretical matters than practical matters at this time in my life.

Fandom:
I am a Trube Fan of the Inner Tube podcast (and that is an official designation bestowed upon me specifically in Episode 159 at the 51:01-51:53 mark).
I discovered the Aux Cable because Ryan Matlock is in the Inner Circle.
Between the tube podcasts, there have been three question sets of mine answered on the shows: Inner Tube Episode 139 (the whole show, 26:26 long), Inner Tube Episode 160 (the 12:59-28:19 mark), & Aux Cable Episode 028 (the 21:31-27:08 mark). Connection: All three had Josh Taylor.
My first Inner Tube comment was on Episode 100, and my first Aux Cable comment was on Episode 030.
I am not on social media at all (unless you count the Inner Tube Community and the Not-Forum as social media). This may partially explain why I have time to craft such deep or lengthy posts and comments.

Other Things I’m Interested In:
I enjoy most kinds of sports, languages, and creative endeavors.
My favorite sport to watch is Australian Football (despite never having been to Australia).
My favorite language to learn is German (despite not having any German heritage).
My favorite creative endeavor is YouTube videos (despite not having my own channel).

Favorite Books:
Just listing my favorite book does not give a full picture of me. Here are my top five favorite books:
1. The NIV 1984 version of the Bible (what I was raised with and still use personally)
2. A world atlas (what I voluntarily spent most of my free time looking at before high-speed internet became a thing; I have forgotten more about geography than most people have ever learned)
3. A hymnal (it’s perfect for praising God through singing and/or playing keyboard while at home, and most songs in a hymnal took longer than five minutes to write)
4. “The Art of Language Invention” by David Peterson (the best overview of linguistics ever written, from the perspective of creating your own language)
5. “A Triune Tale of Diminutive Swine” by John Branyan (the best children’s book at testing vocabulary, even though it’s actually a joke intended for people who already know “The Three Little Pigs”)

Favorite TV Shows & Pixar Movie:
My favorite Canadian TV show of all time is Camp Cariboo. (Filmed in the 1980s but re-aired throughout the 1990s, this kids show celebrated the summer camping experience. It’s a show that Matthew Bird and Ryan Matlock would have loved growing up, because there were an abundance of jokes and puns in it. Sadly, very few clips of the show exist on the internet, and those that do aren’t even the best ones.)
My favorite American TV show of all time is the Andy Griffith Show. (Filmed in the 1960s, but based on a fictional small town that operated like the 1930s, the show managed to have an authenticity and a genuineness about it that many shows think they have to stray away from in order to make a production entertaining.)
My favorite Pixar movie is Cars 2 (for both artistic and sentimental reasons).
I don’t watch many TV shows or movies nowadays. (Most visual media I consume is from YouTube.)

Summary:
Here is a random fact that may encapsulate the sentiment of what I have written in this post:
In college, I once wrote a basketball scouting report entirely in Haikus because I was in the mood to do so. It was a good scouting report, even if you didn’t realize that it was written in Haikus. To God be the glory, for it would be very difficult for me to replicate that feat on my own strength.

From all this information, I would suppose that my TOPHAT title would be “Master Speechwriter”, but I will let you make full use of your creativity in contriving a title for me. I would prefer to see at least five different unique ideas before considering to settle for this suggestion of mine, lest groupthink keep me from receiving the most appropriate title.

Thank you again for considering me for membership in your selective association.

Sincerely,

Jeff Ross
Trube Fan
F.A.C.E.
[Here is where my TOPHAT title will go]

[Masøn M.]

Wow… That was beautiful… I laughed, I cried, I apologize for thinking you were 15-16, I am just speechless… Which is ironic given your proposed title…

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Excellent.
1. My age guess was correct.
2. You like sports.
3. You like maps.
4. You like the Andy Griffith Show.
5. You have the guts to admit you like Cars 2.
6. That was overall just really well written.

[Awkward Potato]

Just reading that post makes me feel like I know you already. You certainly have a way with words–all the more reason you should be speechwriter, whatever the official title ends up being. My suggestion is “Official TOPHAT Speechwriting Guy.”
Congratulations on your master’s degree and not giving in to the pressure of social media. I haven’t attempted the first and have failed at the second.
Your fifth favorite book was my piece for Speech and Drama last year and is one of my favorites also!
I wish I had the patience and/or time to write a whole report in haiku. It reminds me of the book No Talking by Andrew Clements, although that involved only being able to speak three words at a time.
Thank you for dedicating your time to tell us about yourself. It was a very interesting post.

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Official TOPHAT Speechwriting *Fellow

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Oopsy, forgot one.
7. You like German.

[Jeff Ross]

I thought of a word that might work better in a title than simply “Speechwriter”. I know that there is no official governmental position with this word in the title, but it might be something that could fit within the context of TOPHAT. The word is: “Wordsmith”.

No obligation to use this word, but I thought it might be a good word to consider.

[Poulet Frit]

Congratulations on your masters and getting your own place!!
Sorry for assuming your age wrong.
You certainly have a way with words, and I feel like Wordsmith is much more…like us. (That makes no sense). It fits into TOPHAT better.
My official suggestion is, “Official Wordsmith for the TOPHAT Officials”
I used the word official twice because officially as the official president and biggest FACE I have the official right to do so.
(I’m sorry)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

I think the the is unnecessary, but I’m fine with “Official Wordsmith for TOPHAT Officials.”

[Jeff Ross]

Then again, we could go the other way by saying “The Official Wordsmith for The TOPHAT Officials”, emphasizing “The” each time with a flourish in order to focus the listener’s attention to the title’s validity and exclusivity simultaneously. (This would be similar to people who say that they attended “The Ohio State University” instead of “Ohio State University” [which you may hear if the players announce their own starting line-ups for an NFL television broadcast; it may sound pretentious, but it actually is the official name of that particular university].)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Hmm… maybe…

[Jeff Ross]

I’m hoping that Brooke AC, Explosive Yeast, Angie, Dawn, and/or Manalive Smith (the other official members of TOPHAT who haven’t commented since my full application post) will weigh in on this subject. (In other words, just over 55% of TOPHAT membership has yet to make their opinions known.)

[wileycoyote]

Hello all! I would like to officially join the TOPHAT as a member! I read the first and last page I’m too busy to read every page but everyone is suggesting I join more threads and this caught my eye!

[Jeff Ross]

Rebekah, feel free to read the top of page 10 in this thread so that you know what all of the other members’ positions/titles/ranks are, so that you can aid in suggesting/determining your official role once admitted into the association.

[wileycoyote]

Oh ok sweet … ☺️?

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Hmm…

[Jeff Ross]

I think Josiah meant to post that comment to this thread: https://auxcableshow.com/community/topic/hmm/

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Nope, I actually didn’t.

[Dawn]

I think “The Official TOPHAT Wordsmith” would suffice.

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Yup.

[Jeff Ross]

Greetings, honorable members of The Overly Punny Honor Association of Trolls!

After reviewing the current titles of TOPHAT members and the suggestions for what my title ought to be, I propose “Official Wordsmith Leader” (possibly “Official Wordsmith Lieutenant”) or “OWL” for short. Similarly, “Honorary Official Wordsmith, Director And Regent Extraordinaire, Yet Operationally Unobtrusive” or “HOW,DARE,YOU” would be my alternate suggestion. This latter idea could be shortened to “HOW”.

I’m not sure what the confirmation proceedings are for this position to be affirmed or denied. Perhaps it can be completed reasonably quickly, in order for Bekah’s application to be submitted and reviewed soon.

I look forward to receiving an official TOPHAT rank in the near future!

Sincerely,

Jeff Ross
Trube Fan
F.A.C.E.
Nominee for T.O.P.H.A.T. membership

[Poulet Frit]

If we do OWL, I prefer Lieutenant over Leader.
I like HOW.
HOWDAREYOU is fun, but I feel like that’s a lot to remember and I can’t remember half of the titles we have rn. Though all that matters is that you remember.

If the choice was solely on my shoulders, I would go with OWL (lieutenant over leader) (may I also suggest we pronounce it as “leftenant” so we can be all british-y)

Kristen
FACE
President of TOPHAT
“Let’s make AuxCableShow great again…wait it never stopped being great.”

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

HOWDAREYOU is too brilliant to pass up (at least in my opinion).

[Dawn]

But if we’re honest, we’ll only remember the abbreviation and not the actual title.

[Author]

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