The thing about splitting Chris again is that we kind of already did that to an extent with Peter being Kristen’s attempt to recreate Chris. We could go in that direction, but then we would have Peter, Good Chris, and the real Chris who turned evil.
I may try to work in another flashback where we see the end of the Butterfly Apocalypse, the defeat of Kristen, and Chris slowly growing to resent the people that he betrayed Kristen in order to save, before he becomes the Kumquat.
In the meantime, I totally understand wanting to bring back Chris as a good guy because I kind of hijacked the character in order to do the fallen hero twist. But if we just split up the character again, Lord Kumquat might as well be a different character and having them metaphorically fight was just a waste of time.
Alternatively to splitting Chris’s personality up, we could say that Peter is more like Chris than anyone realized or I could introduce a character named Troy into the story and Chris can get revenge by writing that character however he wants.
You make some great arguments… Just throwin’ around suggestions right now… We’ll figure out a way…
I’m working on an entry, but a lot of it is fluff, and unnecessary to the plot. I don’t think it will affect it at all, and some of it has kind of been covered all ready. In short: unnecessary backstory.
I could introduce Evil Christopher. Though he’s more a victim of circumstance rather than evil himself. (He’s a clone of Super Chris btw)
We could ignore that section with Super Chris turning into the Kumquat too.
I’m so confused because of kumquats entry and then the ones following it. My plans of where I wanted to take Kristen have been destroyed. I have no idea what’s going on.
And to be honest, I didn’t like my character being written out of the story. Even if it was thought to be in the past. Though it was a cool twist I liked if I didn’t have other plans.
I feel like maybe this is salvageable, but we really need to fix up this section: (skip to the bottom for my thoughts)
Jupiter is the largest in its respective solar system with a radius of 43,441 miles. One of the planet’s largest features is its Giant Red Spot, a perpetual super-hurricane about 12,400 miles long and 7,500 miles wide, about two to three times larger than Earth. Earth scientists currently had a hard time explaining the massive triangular object sitting right above the storm. The Paramount was a technical marvel with mysterious origins, much like the ACCU which operated inside. Over 800,000 cells used for sleep-induced simulation control, over 90% of which remain empty while 6% are used to house the various Franklin clones and only 4% hold actual test subjects. The bridge of The Paramount is especially deserted now that the ship is coasting in orbit. A lone, round silhouette stands looking out the front window, gazing down at the swirling of red and dark orange clouds below. There was such beauty in the chaos, a storm left alone with no property to destroy or lives to take. Mesmerized by the slow waltz of the winds, one could almost swear they could see the oversized fruit swaying along to it.
“S o o n,” came a whisper as soft and all-encompassing as a fall breeze.
“My lord!” exploded the radio, “We’re having a situation in Cell 7-”
The kumquat’s head rose, snapping out the trance and then shot down the hallway, gliding down the halls of the ship at unnatural speeds.
“Her heart rate’s going insane, I don’t know if we’ll be able to keep her under at this rate.”
“Forget keeping her under, I don’t know if we’ll be able to keep her alive- WE NEED 60 MILLILITERS OF DROWZYNE IN THE DRIP RIGHT NOW!”
About a dozen Franklin clones are scrambling, trying to treat an unconscious and convulsing Kristen. Suddenly there’s an ear-splitting screeching sound as the reinforced steel door is pulled off its hinges and Lord Kumquat enters the room. All but one of the Franklins back away from Kristen.
“WHAT’S HER STATUS DOCTOR?”
“Her symptoms have worsened, we have to forgo the medication that’s keeping her under in order to make sure that she stays alive.”
Kirsten is still twitching and convulsing until suddenly a soft ringing sound overtakes the room. The kumquat stares intently at her. The medical equipment vibrates violently, the heart rate monitor falls. Then silence overtakes the room. The heart rate monitor is levitated back upright; her heart rate has returned to normal. There’s a collective sigh around the room from everyone but Lord Kumquat. Several strands of hair that were covering her face are tucked to the side.
“What the heck am I the doctor around here for? You can just come down here and solve this with one wave of your hand?”
“HARDLY SOLVED. THE STORM HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN, THE EYE IS AROUND THE CORNER, DOCTOR. GET THAT MEDICATION ON STAND-BY AND FOLD UP THE BOTTOM OF HER SHIRT.”
“JUST DO IT!”
Dr. Franklin does as he as told, the kumquat turns to the remaining Franklins.
“RADIO IN A CODE HAZEL, I WANT EVERY SPARE HAND MANNING THE STABILIZERS, 45% POWER, 89 DEGREES TO PORT, AND I WANT THE GRAVITY SHIPWIDE REDUCED TO 90%. ADMIRAL 4567, IF HULL INTEGRITY DROPS BELOW 50% YOU CUT THE GRAVITY COMPLETELY, MOVE SHIP ROTATION TO A SOLID 90 PORT. IF IT DROPS BELOW 40% BEGIN EMERGENCY EVACUATIONS. NOW MOVE!!!”
The Franklins jump at Lord Kumquat’s final command and quickly start calling out orders over the radio and pulling alarms. Then he turns back to Kristen as Dr. Franklin adds additional fluid to the drip.
“I h a v e w a i t e d a l o n g t i m e f o r t h i s,” whispered Lord Kumquat’s melancholy voice.
Kristen’s heart rate raises a bit as the medication is administered, but it quickly levels out. Dr. Franklin steps back.
A minute passes.
Two minutes pass.
Ten minutes pass.
Finally, the lower left side of Kirsten’s stomach starts to glow. It’s hard to fully make out under the fluorescent light at first, but the blood-red aroura grows in intensity with every passing second. Lord Kumquat leans in and sees the source of the glowing: a massive scar in the shape of a butterfly. He stared deep into it, allowing the light to envelop him.
There he hovered, in the woods at sunset. The trees cast long shadows over the path that led back to town. As the kumquat floated along the path, he heard voices in the wind.
“But I love him!” echoed through the woods.
He floated up the hill as the last bit of purple faded from the sky.
“No,” whispered the air around the house. No lights on, seemingly nobody home.
“You need power, not love,” as Lord Kumquat opened the front door.
“He’s your weakness,” as he hovered up to the author of those words, laying in a heap with blood pooling out onto the hardwood floor.
It was an odd sight to see a giant kumquat chuckle, but he did it all the same.
“WISE WORDS, I GUESS,” he muttered.
“All the more true now,” came a familiar voice. The kumquat whipped around, scanning furiously for the location of the voice.
“It’s unbelievable,” the voice continued, “seeing what you’ve become. Pathetic even.”
He levitated towards the staircase.
“You want to wipe out an entire race for a girl? What even are you?”
He opens the door to her room.
“What rules you at this point? What’s your god now?”
He floats past a full-length mirror, but he doesn’t see a kumquat across from him.
“Fear is it? I bet it’s fear,” said the reflection of Super Chris.
“FEAR OF WHAT EXACTLY?”
“Missing out on love, missing out on power. The fear that maybe nothing you sacrificed for matters.”
“ALMOST AS PATHETIC AS FEARING THE OTHER TIME LORDS.”
“Listen to you-”
“NO, LISTEN TO YOU! A GOOD LITTLE BROWN-NOSER RIGHT UP TO THE END. REMIND ME, WAS IT TWO OR THREE DAYS BEFORE THE ELDERS BLAMED YOU THE COLLATERAL DAMAGE IN THE BATTLE OF LITTLE-BIG HILL? DID ANY OF THAT SUCKING UP PAYOUT IN ANY WAY?”
“Being the hero isn’t about the reward-”
“OH NO, OF COURSE. IT’S ABOUT DOING THE RIGHT THING AND UPHOLDING THE MORALS OF A SOCIETY FULL OF HYPOCRITES! YOU WERE DOING A FANTASTIC JOB OF LICKING THE BOOT-HEALS OF THE KING AND QUEEN. STANDING BEHIND THEIR SOCIETY OF HALF-TRUTHS AND PURE BLOODLINES!”
“That doesn’t excuse what you’ve done-”
“OH WHAT *I’VE* DONE? YOU REJECTED THE ONLY GIRL- THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS GODFORSAKEN PLANET THAT EVER LOVED YOU!”
Lord Kumquat glides closer to the mirror.
“AND YOU LOVED HER TOO. NOT ENOUGH TO STICK YOUR NECK OUT, NOT ENOUGH TO SAY ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT THEY WANTED YOU TO SAY, BUT YOU LOVED HER!”
There’s a crack in the mirror, circular and precise as if made by a fist punching it.
“YOU LEFT HER TO DIE AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO LECTURE ME!?”
“I can’t even recognize you anymore; you’re a monster.”
“AND YOU’RE A GHOST!”
The reflection of Super Chris is forcefully pulled from the mirror and hoisted into the air by his throat.
“YOU WERE WEAK AND LACKED THE WILL TO ACT. I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU, BUT I GUESS I DIDN’T BURRY YOU WELL ENOUGH!”
The roof explodes as Lord Kumquat throws Super Chris out into the backyard. He then jumps after him. Chris throws a right hook that is caught in mid-air, then his wrist is twisted back. He screams out in pain while delivering a low-kick that actually connects with the kumquat. The giant fruit actually drops to the ground in pain. Chris spots a chest full of sports equipment. He takes off in a dead sprint and leaps for the chest. Lord Kumquat rises to hull height and grabs Chris, whipping him back at a break-neck speed. Chris turns around in mid-air and smashes him with a baseball bat. There’s a massive dent in the kumquat’s body as he leaks juice.
“No so powerful now huh?”
He reels back and puts another massive dent in the kumquat.
“I know this property too.”
Chris gets a running start and hits the kumquat so that he knocks him into a storage area that’s holding propane tanks. The entire thing explodes. Chris casually strolls up to the wreckage.
“I’m pathetic, huh? You’re a fruit. You betrayed everyone you ever loved: friends, family, especially yourself. And now, I’m gonna stop the end of the world. First I destroy you, then I destroy that witch that stole our heart!”
Chris stops walking and points the bat at the decaying body of the kumquat.
“That’s our ultimate form, huh? What a joke.”
The kumquat bursts open and out of it rises Lord Kumquat’s ultimate form. He looks just like the old Chris, but he’s 10 feet tall, orange, and has skin like the inside of a kumquat. His eyes fly open, glowing bright red.
Lord Kumquat blasts an overwhelming laser blast from his hands and completely evaporates the old Chris.
Lord Kumquat walks over to the spot where the old Chris once was. He bends down to inspect something on the ground.
It’s a red butterfly.
He picks it up and holds it up to the sky.
“BE FREE, MY LOVE.”
And he crushes the butterfly in his fist.
To the shock of Dr. Franklin, the glowing scar lifts off of Kristen’s stomach and blasts apart into billions of parts. Lord Kumquat snaps out of his trance and returns to full hight.
“THE CURSE HAS BEEN LIFTED.”
“Curse? What do you mean curse?”
“I PRESUME YOU HAVE A NATURALISTIC EXPLANATION FOR WHAT JUST HAPPENED, DOCTOR?”
Dr. Franklin is silent.
“PUT HER BACK UNDER AND PREPARE HER FOR THE OPERATION?”
“Operation? You mean-”
“WITH THE CURSE GONE, THERE ARE NO MORE TRAPS OR PRECAUTIONS LEFT TO STOP US. IT’S TIME TO GIVE THE ELDEST HER FULL POWERS BACK.”
On the counter is a container with a swirling purple cloud inside. It’s labeled “_Valdra Muinthel_- The Spirit Of The Queen”
“WE’LL START THE PROCEDURE IN TEN HOURS.”
The sun finally returns back to its normal color and Kristen, now fully awake jumps out of the hammock and lands on a very terrified Phantom.
They both just stare at each other for a minute.
“Bad dream?” he asks.
We need some clarity on who the Mistress is (not actually reference in here.) We also need to figure out why precisely SuperChris’s portal gun went haywire, and maybe that will focus more on why some people are in a space ship, or how multiple people ended up together. Maybe someone hijacked it?
Also, who removed Kristen’s powers? I’m fairly sure she was at her full power as an individual, and there’s no curse on her as far as I know. After all, she escaped her prison and disbanded TOPHAT sending them scurrying along with no memory of TOPHAT but memory of the Butterfly Apocalypse.
Also, to help correct the above story, maybe reverse Kumquat into Troy and find a good reason for Troy to want to get revenge? Maybe he doesn’t feel like TOPHAT members supported his rise of the Kumquat (maybe he ran for president because TOPHAT needs to cycle its presidents?
OH WHAT IF some of the disbanded members of TOPHAT joined back together, unknowingly mind you, as DQCHTT (page 2 of the story)? That would make sense why Dawn came to help Peter, and why she and Josiah work together (because TOPHAT got…well, dissolved/hijacked), but also why Josiah recognizes Mason but Dawn doesn’t recognize him.
Feel free to correct me if I’ve messed something up completely. In my portion with the Tales I thought maybe Dawn and Manalive got sent to the same place Peter did, and since they’re not seen as integral no one has noticed the error in the system yet.
My portal gun didn’t go haywire exactly. I just warped everyone to what I thought were random places.
I guess I should be clear on the questions Super Chris poses as a character that I know and planned with Kristen when she got me onto the story:
The reason why he has to split everyone up and why he can’t say why (it makes sense once you know)
Why Kristen is in love with Super Chris and why it never was reciprocated (again, something simple but makes sense)
And then there’s something dark only I know but I think you all will love if nothing happens that doesn’t cancel it out so I’m not concerned with actually following through on this idea. (So many secrets, hehehe)
Besides that I’m okay with whatever you do with my character. Let’s just not kill me just yet 😛
I’d be interested in hearing how the original idea for that Kristen-Chris relationship went and would be open to trying to fit elements of that back into the story. As it had been left off at the time, it seemed really strange that the two would be in a relationship and that Kristen would be willing to kill her father for the relationship, but Chris would publically and blatantly declare that they weren’t lovers. I interpreted his complete and public rejection as being coerced by outside forces (i.e. “if you date that person, you’re also a public enemy, but if you help us defeat her you’re no longer considered a threat). So I took that idea and ran with it.
I also thought it would be much better for the overall story to streamline the crazy roster of villains instead of introducing a different villain scheme this late in the game. Lord Kumquat being someone that we already knew would give the story more weight because the audience would be rooting for that character to be redeemed, but then what if he feels completely justified in his actions and doesn’t want redemption? That sounded like a really interesting character idea to me. Also, I didn’t want the prospect of a deadly, destructive romance between two villains to go to waste.
And to answer one of those questions, I didn’t add Kristen’s powers being removed. I think the Phantom wrote that, but even then we still haven’t seen her try and fail to do anything so it’s not canon yet.
Wait, why are we ditching things?
Can you make sense of what’s going on? I find the latest additions confusing so I’m going back to where everything made sense. Does that make sense?
If someone wants to continue the story as it was, that’s fine too.
I’m still trying to figure out what is and isn’t canon.
In the newest entry, it says that the ACCU was keeping Kumquat from controlling Franklins (plural), but at the end it says that Kumquat made Franklin clone himself hundreds of times and implies that before that, there was only one Franklin. Then it says Kumquat made Franklin build the ACCU, so he could keep the Time Lords from messing with his head. Were there actually several Franklins before Kumquat Came? Did Kumquat then make them re-purpose the ACCU?
Also Kumquat and Chris are now separate beings?
“In the newest entry, it says that the ACCU was keeping Kumquat from controlling Franklins (plural), but at the end it says that Kumquat made Franklin clone himself hundreds of times and implies that before that, there was only one Franklin. Then it says Kumquat made Franklin build the ACCU, so he could keep the Time Lords from messing with his head.”
When did this happen?
Oh shoot, when did we get to Part 2?
What’s going on?
Remind me what the ACCU is?
I said outside of the story it stood for Anti Cerebral Control Unit, but I’m not sure if anyone went with that in-story.
I thought I put the ACCU in my segment. I don’t remember really doing anything with the concept, but they’re just as canon as everything else.
“Kristen and Lord Kumquat stand on the bridge of the superweapon, staring across planes of reality towards ‘Once Upon A Time Part 2.’
‘DELET THIS!’ Lord Kumquat screamed as the superweapon fired, obliterating the fledgling thread from existence and therefore canon”
-An entry that I really want to make
I wouldn’t go that far, but I actually have an interesting idea for this.
CRUDE SORRY GUYS IMMA REVISE THAT SO IT MAKES SENSE
Okay so there’s Douglas. He splits himself into two people. Doc holds most of the scientific genius, Douglas gets all the Time Lord powers. Doc is sent to help SuperChris because REASONS, Douglas stays behind to watch over the Kumquat. Douglas gets lonely and makes a clone called Franklin to help him out (Franklin is not a Time Lord). So when the group gets scattered, Peter ends up in the space prison passed out, Kumquat escapes and domineers Franklin while Douglas hides (Douglas is assessing the situation to figure out how to extract Peter I guess).
Kumquat then makes clones out of Franklin and we know the rest. The ACCU helps Kumquat completely control the Franklins and helps keep himself from mind control. I guess one of the Franklins didn’t let him know it was broken. Kumquat doesn’t realize that he’s lost minute control over the Franklins so it’s only a matter of time before they get wise or pass the point of no return if you catch my drift.
Now we have a giant Kumquat, a horde of Franklins, and the Mistress all answered for, and why Douglas is resistant to the ACCU
Wow this isn’t turning out as I thought it would do we want to run with this? There are still a buncha plot holes
Should I edit the actual tale so it makes more sense??
I’m totally on-board for the reboot, I just need to give Part One the death that it deserves.
I honestly don’t really understand anything that has happened since Chris showed up.
I sort of grasp what happened.
So are we picking up Part 2 right before the entry where I revealed Lord Kumquat to be Chris or is there anything else that we need to remove from continuity?
Hmm… I feel like that segment is too good to waste.
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