Pretty sure he was a cornerback for the Kansas City Chiefs
If the day finally comes, you better believe I will.
“Knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“The police”
“The police who?”
“Ma’am I’m sorry to tell you this, but there’s been an accident…”
(That Timmy falling off his bike one was legitimately my favorite)
Because it’s a horse.
A horse walks into a bar.
“Why the long face?” the bartender asks.
The horse doesn’t respond.
A horse walks into a bar.
Noticing the danger in the situation, everyone leaves in a calm fashion while the owner calls animal control.
What do an orange and a bicycle have in common?
Handlebars (well, except for the orange)
A Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim walk into a bar.
What a beautiful showcase of religious tolerance.
What do you call a black guy in space?
An astronaut.
It’s Southern Cal
Oh wait, I’ve got another one:
-Wasps figure out how terrified we are of them and attempt world domination
Alright, here are a few prompts for you:
-You’re trapped in a dream, but it’s not your dream.
-You wake up in your room, not remembering how you got there. After your eyes adjust to the darkness, you see… no, that can’t be right. There’s an elongated barrel in the corner of your room, coming down from ceiling. Maybe it’s the lack of light in the room and your mind is just playing tricks on you, but you think it looks like a giant hampster-feeder…
-Every morning the gravel in your driveway rearranges itself to form creepy messages.
-While going through home video footage, you find a video of you playing with a sibling that you don’t remember having.
-You accidentally cut yourself for the first time since… you honestly can’t remember the last time. As your blood drips out, you realize that it’s black.
-Scientists discover a way to record dreams and they release all the footage of their test subjects’ dreams online. As you’re binge watching through them all, you notice a reoccurring theme amongst all the dreams.
-As you’re staring in the mirror, your reflection blinks.
-There’s an old man who always seems to be following you. He’s never within 10 feet of you, but he’s always visible when you turn around. Whenever you try to bring it up to your friends or family, they get a wide-eyed, panicked look and quickly try to change the subject.