riseofthekumquatWhenever Mason introduced the concept of Peter waking up in the real world and finding out that he was in some kind of Matrix thing, I saw that as an opportunity to do an in-continuity soft reboot. By going in that direction, we could keep all of the character development while filtering out some of the fluff that came from the early stages of trying to figure out where the story was going. We had a villain, intriguing lore, and a healthy amount of characters that got buried under 14 pages of “and then there was a giant bunny and then Link showed up and then the talking Llama turned to Doc and said ‘get in the Delorean,’ etc.” That’s totally fine, because this started out as a game and we were all just throwing out absurd ideas for the sake of amusement, but the continuity needed a clean slate in order to move forward. So from the point where Peter is introduced to the ACCU onward, it would be up to us to decide what was in the simulation and what had happened in the real world. Big details, like the main characters’ back stories and Kristen’s first defeat, would remain untouched, but smaller, more forgettable details would be re-established/re-introduced in light of the new revelations of the story.
One of the bigger principles of interesting storytelling is that you want the villain(s) to hold some kind of power over the hero(s) for most of the story so that there’s tension as the story progresses. Introducing Lord Kumquat into the story created a situation where there was a villain that held even more power over the heroes, because they didn’t know they were in a simulation. But the character wouldn’t have as much of a purpose in the story if it was just my own self insert and we would quickly go back to “but then this character showed up” type segments all over again. I didn’t want to introduce a new, completely unrelated character this late in the story. So I thought about how I could tie that character back into the story and I thought that I would have to write some sort of Darth Vader-esque reveal. So when I looked back through and saw that someone had written that Peter was created by Kristen to be like Chris, I thought that it would be extremely interesting to see one of the villains be the original version of one of the heroes. And when I saw Chris’s line “I will prove to you that I am not your lover,” it came across a little clunky and didn’t quite make sense for someone to say out loud. Or at least it wouldn’t make sense unless it was all for show. So much of Chris’s rejection of Kristen seemed to be over-projected, which would make sense if there was outside pressure for him to reject her. Which led to him hating himself for choosing the whole of his community over her. I expected that a lot of the continuity issues with saying that Chris’s “I’ll prove I’m not your lover scene” was a flashback would be chalked up to issues with the simulation and that we could move forward with that.
With the langoliers thing, I wrote in a much harder reboot to undo what I wrote and give us the chance sort through what we want to keep about this story and put that in with the next draft of the story. I can understand the frustration of having the story completely get away from what you were planning (I wasn’t a fan of how Kristen’s character immediately knew what was going on with the simulation in the section right after the Chris reveal), but, as I’ve said probably way too many times now, I wrote what I wrote at the expense of both Chris and myself (I erased my own character to make him an extension of a different character) to make the story as a whole more interesting. Every entry that I made was for the sake of either cleaning up the timeline or connecting things together to tighten up the focus of the story and streamline stuff.
Who’s this new villain?
Oh, it’s Chris.
Who’s Valdra Muinthriel?
Oh, it’s some kind of spirit thing that they’re gonna put in Kristen to give her more power.
Why’s the pacing all over the place and why are new characters and new locations and all of this stuff coming at us at rapid fire (besides the fact that we were making all of this up as we were going along)?
Oh, because they were in dream simulations and stuff sometimes gets crazy when you’re in dreams.
What’s this crazy hotel place?
A different simulation (designed specifically to ensnare Peter, so it’s not too different from the thing that Mason was going for)
My mindset was that I wanted to make things simpler specifically so that we wouldn’t end up in a position like this, where everything is so dense and hard to follow that nobody wants to write anything, but I clearly failed there. So sorry about that.
riseofthekumquatI interpreted it that somewhere along the line the entire group was captured by the ACCU and most of the adventure was then in a shared dream thing.
Also what does the Power Bracelet do?
riseofthekumquatBy the time this thread is all said and done, I may have to do a video on the official timeline just so that we can have this all put together.
riseofthekumquatOkay, so if Kristen was freed by Mason, how did the whole group end up in the possession of the ACCU?
riseofthekumquatOkay, so if I did everything from that entry that made Chris a villain, except Lord Kumquat was formerly a Time Lord named Troy who was a friend of Douglas/Doc and everything else stayed the same, would that still ruin your story or would that be fine?
riseofthekumquatIs Mason the only human left in the group? Or is he a Time Lord too? And how many characters do we have that were there for the Butterfly Apocalypse? And where does TOPHAT come into this?
riseofthekumquatSo we for sure established that Kristen became the Eldest Time Lord after secretly murdering her father and initiated the Butterfly Apocalypse. What I added with my ((((((((HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL))))))) segment was that Kristen had a curse put on her in the form of a red butterfly scar, which prevented her from using her full *Elder Powers as well as from being able to absorb any **valdras. There were select points in time where the curse would be able to be lifted, but only by beings that crossed a certain threshold of mental power. These windows of opportunity would only last for a few minutes and leave Kristen in excruciating pain from the glowing/burning scar.
In the version that I initially wrote, it was Chris who assisted in putting the curse on Kristen. This is why Lord Kumquat (who in that version *was* Chris) had to defeat a past version of himself and felt such anger at what he had done. If the identities changed and we decide that Chris shouldn’t be a villain, then I’ll find a different way to write that scene.
*Still not quite sure what special powers the Eldest Time Lord would have, but not having these does not mean that she doesn’t have powers.
**Valdra translates to “Inferno Spirit” in the Ancient Time Lord language. These are power sources that corrupt the user’s soul but in return grant incredible power. Lord Kumquat himself meditates on the Valdra Pen Sáma (“Inferno Of One Mind”) to gain incredible telekinetic power and other mental abilities. In my entry (currently non-canon) Lord Kumquat ordered for an operation to begin where Kristen would be given Valdra Muinthel (“Inferno Of The Queen”) while in her sleep state. Valdra are highly forbidden by Time Lords not only because they corrupt the soul and draw many to madness but also because attempting to take such power into your body while conscious often leads to crippling injuries and, in extreme cases, lobotomy.
riseofthekumquatWe’re definitely going to need Kristen and Chris’s take, they apparently had a plan for their characters’ backstory.
riseofthekumquat(I thought we were just going with this being the first draft. I don’t think we need separate titles since the remake with the corrections is the “real” story.)
riseofthekumquatSo Part One of the story was eaten by Langoliers, now we need to figure out when Part Two starts and what parts from Part One are still canon.
riseofthekumquatPREVIOUSLY ON Once Upon A Time:
————————————————————————————————————————————-
“PUT HER BACK UNDER AND PREPARE HER FOR THE OPERATION?”
“Operation? You mean-”
“WITH THE CURSE GONE, THERE ARE NO MORE TRAPS OR PRECAUTIONS LEFT TO STOP US. IT’S TIME TO GIVE THE ELDEST HER FULL POWERS BACK.”
On the counter is a container with a swirling purple cloud inside. It’s labeled “_Valdra Muinthel_- The Spirit Of The Queen”
“WE’LL START THE PROCEDURE IN TEN HOURS.”
————————————————————————————————————————-
Lord Kumquat found himself on the bridge of the ship, staring out at the surface of Jupiter. On the security cameras, thousands of Franklins scrambled around like ants in a hill, but only the hum of the ship’s computers broke up the bridge’s haunting silence. A great conflict stirred within him, a feeling comparable to a 3-am stomach flu.
What’s happening to me, he thought, as the kumquat floating back and forth across the bridge, observing his own reflection.
Then he caught a glance of a familiar, very not Kumquat-like reflection in the glass.
“NO. YOU’RE DONE HERE. I KILLED YOU, TRO-… CHRIS. I KILLED YOU, CHRIS.”
But even as he corrected himself, he wasn’t sure if that was the former identity that he was staring back at. Memories, images, objective facts were starting to blur. He quickly turned away from the reflection in a vain attempt to quell his sharply growing migraine. He pulled back and looked at the surface of Jupiter. Even the chaotic dance of the Red Spot seemed out of place. Before he could study the oddity of the storm’s new pattern, one of the smaller moons eclipsed the ship’s line of vision and brought with it a new mystery.
There, in one of the craters.
A ship. Or maybe a station. Very clearly a metallic structure, built by someone. An invisible hand reached down to one of the panels and called for three of the top generals to come up to the bridge immediately. Lord Kumquat, uncharacteristically mistrusting of his own abilities, asked Grand Maff Franklin to zoom and enhance the image of the metallic structure. He knew what it said, his enhanced abilities allowed him to read it from where he stood. He just hoped he was wrong. But sure enough, the metallic, warehouse-like structure appeared on the large monitor with big black words printed on the side of the structure.
PART TWO.
“Sir, what does it mean?”
“CONTACT GRAND CAPTAIN FRANKLIN. TELL HIM TO GATHER BLUE SQUAD AND ASSEMBLE A BOARDING PARTY. WE’LL BE IN CONTACT, BUT IF YOU SEE ANOTHER SHIP FOLLOW US INTO THE STRUCTURE, DO NOT HESITATE, OPEN FIRE ON THE MOON.”
“Yes sir!” said Grand Maff Franklin as he ran back through toward the main part of the ship, shouting commands over the radio.
“I HOPE WE’RE NOT TOO LATE…” Lord Kumquat murmured.
——————————————————————————————————————————————
The cloaked ship lands in the suspiciously open hanger. After a few minutes, the invisibility cloak is lifted and the ship’s main door opens. The Franklins, each in full battle armor and holding X450-Granada Plasma Rifles, quickly float out and fall into formation in front of the locked door. They are followed by Grand Captain Franklin and Lord Kumquat. Lord Kumquat begins shaking as he strains to pull the hanger door shut with his telepathy. The door is shut, the airlocks click into place and the Franklins descend back to the ground as gravity returns to normal. The Heavy Weapons Specialist Officer screws four silent tactical grenades into each corner of the locked door. Without a need for a verbal command, the rest of the group back far away from the door and with the push of a button the steel door pops off its hinges and the HWSO catches the door before it can clang against the ground. He delicately set it on the ground as the group stared into the dark corridors that laid before them and clicked on the flashlights at the end of their rifles.
The first thing that stood out was that someone was clearly here before. The walls were covered in writing, with the same words appearing on the walls every few feet: TOPHAT, Dawn, Chris, Douglas, Betrayal, Troy, Valdra, Deceit, Dimensions, Butterfly, NOT REAL, NOT TRUE, and UNFINISHED. The halls led into a massive, multilayered lobby, roughly the size of a super mall. There was absolutely no way that such a room could fit into a structure as small as the one that the group had entered. Time Lord technology was being used for sure.
One sentence covered every wall:
YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME. YOU BROKE TIME.
Lord Kumquat looked up towards the distant ceiling and reads the one message that only he was meant to read:
The Langoliers are have chosen your line.
Line up back to back, Lord Kumquat telepathically commanded the group, keep your eyes on-
Before he could even finish the command, a blood-curdling scream rang out. All the flashlights pointed towards the source as the body of a Franklin was caught in a giant mouth. The creature was just that: a floating mouth with little more than a grey ball for a body snarled back at the group. The mouth bit down hard and the Franklin turned into sand. The massive room lit up with the purple light of the plasma rifle fire and the screams of Franklins being attacked by these creatures. After about 30 seconds, only the HWSO, Grand Captain Franklin, and Lord Kumquat remained, surrounded by a dozen of the creatures. The HWSO vaporized a pair of the creatures with a thermal detonator, GC Franklin unloaded several plasma rifle rounds into another one, and Lord Kumquat drove back severa of them with a bright orange lightsaber blade that he pulled out of thin air. After cutting through half of the horde, the creatures retreated back into the shadows.
There was a long moment of silence as the surviving trio stood in a pile of sand that was once several Franklins.
“My lord,” finally spoke up GC Franklin, “what the hell were those?”
“LANGOLIERS,” he replied, “THE TIME EATERS.”
“What are they doing here?”
“THE UNIVERSE IS FULL OF VARIABLES AND POSSIBILITIES. EVERY ONCE AND A WHILE, WITHIN A SINGULAR UNIVERSE, POWERFUL EVENTS WILL DISRUPT THE NATURAL ORDER AND ALLOW CONTRADICTORY EVENTS TO TAKE PLACE WITHIN THE SAME TIMELINE. THE HUMANS CREATED A WORD FOR IT: A ‘PARADOX.’ WHEN SUCH AN EVENT TAKES PLACE, TWO TIMELINES COMPETE TO BE CANON. THE LANGOLIERS ARE THE NATURE FORCE THAT IS SENT TO UNDO SUCH EVENTS AND CHOOSE WHICH TIMELINE IS CANON AND WHICH IS DESTROYED.”
“And ours was chosen for destruction,” mused GC Franklin.
“Precisely,” came a new voice from above.
The trio pointed their weapons at a massive Langolier with a white exterior that reflected like marble as it descended from the ceiling.
“It’s not your fault,” explained the giant mouthed creature, “continuity was scrambled and the story has gotten too dense for outsiders to keep track of. What we’re doing here is restart your universe from a recent save point: possibly a few days ago, possibly even a few hours ago. In doing so, we will take the best parts of your timeline and add it to the established continuity.”
“So this is like Crisis On Infinite Earths?”
“Yes.”
“Or Flashpoint?”
“Uh huh”
“Or Doomsday Clock?”
“Man, DC really has done that whole ‘multiverses collide so that we can find an excuse to reboot our entire universe and clean up continuity errors’ thing quite a bit. It’s getting hard to keep up with.”
“IF IT WILL GET ME CLOSER TO FINDING OUT WHO I AM, AWAKENING KRISTEN, BRINGING VENGENCE ON THE TIME LORDS, AND STOPPING THIS MIGRAINE, I SAY JUST GET IT OVER WITH.”
“Excellent.”
“Will it hurt?”
“How would I possibly know that?”
“[*sigh*] Great. Just do it.”
And then everyone turned into sand and was sucked into a portal in the Langoliers’ mouth as the very fabric of reality collapsed in on itself. The timeline began to restart and it was now up to the writers to collectively figure out what events from Part One were canon and where Part Two would pick up from.
Good luck.
[END OF PART ONE OF THE GAME]
riseofthekumquatOh man, I forgot about this thread.
riseofthekumquatSo are we picking up Part 2 right before the entry where I revealed Lord Kumquat to be Chris or is there anything else that we need to remove from continuity?
riseofthekumquatI’m totally on-board for the reboot, I just need to give Part One the death that it deserves.
riseofthekumquatI wouldn’t go that far, but I actually have an interesting idea for this.
riseofthekumquat“Kristen and Lord Kumquat stand on the bridge of the superweapon, staring across planes of reality towards ‘Once Upon A Time Part 2.’
‘DELET THIS!’ Lord Kumquat screamed as the superweapon fired, obliterating the fledgling thread from existence and therefore canon”
-An entry that I really want to make
riseofthekumquatI thought I put the ACCU in my segment. I don’t remember really doing anything with the concept, but they’re just as canon as everything else.
riseofthekumquatOh shoot, when did we get to Part 2?
What’s going on?
riseofthekumquat“In the newest entry, it says that the ACCU was keeping Kumquat from controlling Franklins (plural), but at the end it says that Kumquat made Franklin clone himself hundreds of times and implies that before that, there was only one Franklin. Then it says Kumquat made Franklin build the ACCU, so he could keep the Time Lords from messing with his head.”
When did this happen?
riseofthekumquatAnd to answer one of those questions, I didn’t add Kristen’s powers being removed. I think the Phantom wrote that, but even then we still haven’t seen her try and fail to do anything so it’s not canon yet.
riseofthekumquatI’d be interested in hearing how the original idea for that Kristen-Chris relationship went and would be open to trying to fit elements of that back into the story. As it had been left off at the time, it seemed really strange that the two would be in a relationship and that Kristen would be willing to kill her father for the relationship, but Chris would publically and blatantly declare that they weren’t lovers. I interpreted his complete and public rejection as being coerced by outside forces (i.e. “if you date that person, you’re also a public enemy, but if you help us defeat her you’re no longer considered a threat). So I took that idea and ran with it.
I also thought it would be much better for the overall story to streamline the crazy roster of villains instead of introducing a different villain scheme this late in the game. Lord Kumquat being someone that we already knew would give the story more weight because the audience would be rooting for that character to be redeemed, but then what if he feels completely justified in his actions and doesn’t want redemption? That sounded like a really interesting character idea to me. Also, I didn’t want the prospect of a deadly, destructive romance between two villains to go to waste.
riseofthekumquat(“Kristen, what simulation? Kristen how do you know we’re in a simulation? Kristen, what’s that over there? What’s that on the ground? IS THAT THE SCRIPT!?”)
riseofthekumquatAlternatively to splitting Chris’s personality up, we could say that Peter is more like Chris than anyone realized or I could introduce a character named Troy into the story and Chris can get revenge by writing that character however he wants.
riseofthekumquatThe thing about splitting Chris again is that we kind of already did that to an extent with Peter being Kristen’s attempt to recreate Chris. We could go in that direction, but then we would have Peter, Good Chris, and the real Chris who turned evil.
I may try to work in another flashback where we see the end of the Butterfly Apocalypse, the defeat of Kristen, and Chris slowly growing to resent the people that he betrayed Kristen in order to save, before he becomes the Kumquat.
In the meantime, I totally understand wanting to bring back Chris as a good guy because I kind of hijacked the character in order to do the fallen hero twist. But if we just split up the character again, Lord Kumquat might as well be a different character and having them metaphorically fight was just a waste of time.
riseofthekumquat[“Um, I’m not entirely certain where they are” Chris said smoothly, “eeekci look spheres beyond.”
“Erm, what? Are you okay?” Dawn inquired, her brows knit together.
“k-k-k-k-a?” Chris asked. But his form…it was blinking, in weird rectangles. And then Chris suddenly glitched out of existence.]
I guess Dawn implied in this last entry that the Chris who showed up with the group was an algorithm in the simulation. There are still some holes to fill in, but that’s a start at least.
I’m sorry, the plotholes that we have now are from pure sloppiness on my part.
riseofthekumquatMy head hurts.
riseofthekumquatShoot. I didn’t consider that the scenes with Doc were going on at the same time. I thought that was during the Butterfly Apocolypse.
riseofthekumquatIt’s implied that Super Chris had feelings for Kristen, but forced them down in order to not be branded as a traitor. After discovering that the Time Lord society was pretty messed up and that they had just used him to keep their unethical, eugenics-heavy status quo in place, a bunch of stuff happened which led to Chris altering his body and mind to the point of being unrecognizable until he was one of the most powerful beings in the universe. He then set-off to find the only person who ever truly loved him to finish what she had started.
riseofthekumquatAlso, I didn’t want a Luke and Leia situation but if you guys want to go somewhere with the “sister” part of “Inferno Sister” that’s fine with me.
riseofthekumquatOkay, so apparently “Valdra Muinthel” literally translates to “Inferno Sister” in Elvish. Technically in the story, I didn’t specify that “Spirit Of The Queen” was the translation to English from whatever Time Lord language I was inferring it was from so it’s possible to correct that by just saying “Spirit Of The Queen” was a label for the essence and not a direct translation.
