Assassin's Guild

[Poulet Frit]

I can’t swim underwater either.
But mermaid nuggets!!

[Poulet Frit]

Kaitlyn said we just need gillyweed and we will be fine

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

A bathysphere would work.

[Manalive Smith]

I’ve started skimming craigslist, but I haven’t found anything so far.

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Hmm…

[Manalive Smith]

It’s not quite a bathysphere, but it’s only 140 grand. Does that fit your budget?

http://www.maritimesales.com/TAU10.htm

[Punner Brooke]

That’s a bit pricey if we have no funding.
Kristen, would you like to share the muffin idea?

[Poulet Frit]

Ok. I forgot most of it.
But, we are gonna kill a person that is Ryans enemy. Chop that person up and make muffins that are the bomb. And sell them in our baskets that were woven underwater.
$12 for a dozen. $0.50 for single muffin.
I have an investor that will give us an initial start up loan. 50% of profits will go back into the business. 50% goes to Ryans patreon.
That is all I remember, but idk if there’s any more to it.
Oh yes. Chocolate muffins.

[Jellyfishflower]

Kristen, could I have some of those chocolate muffins? I need to give food to my odd island neighbors. Oh, and if you need help with delivery to group of underwater weaving. I know someone who can help you.

[Poulet Frit]

That sounds good to me

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Why would you make chocolate muffins?

[Poulet Frit]

Chocolate chips.

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

That’s worse.

[Poulet Frit]

…it’s easy to hide the flesh taste with chocolate

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Never mind.

[Is]

Don’t doubt us, Carrot. We had a long conversation about the details of this.

[Is]

(“We” meaning Kristen and I.)

[Manalive Smith]

It’s getting all Sweeney Todd up in here. So we aren’t okay with assassinating people, but we’re okay with cannibalism? (Are we just going to have to follow around one of Ryan’s enemies until they die of natural causes?) And most importantly why are we charging twice as much for a dozen muffins as for twelve individual muffins?

[Is]

Well, we’re not the ones eating the muffins.
Maybe?
And, if I’m not mistaken, that’s a Rhett and Link reference.

[Poulet Frit]

Watch the music video for Vacation by Rhett and Link, that’s why.
It’s not assassination if we get someone outside of the guild to do it. I have a friend that is willing.
And it’s not cannibalism if nobody knows. Blissful ignorance.

[Manalive Smith]

Sweeney Todd was a barber who killed his customers and had them baked it into pies by the bakery downstairs. It’s a historical reference and an excellent example of corporate synergy.

[Manalive Smith]

If it’s killing surreptitiously for political reasons it is most definitely still assassination, and eating people is always cannibalism.

[Manalive Smith]

Unless you’re a lion. If you’re a lion eating people, you are not a cannibal. Will we only be selling the muffins to lions?

[Poulet Frit]

I don’t think they should have chocolate. It could be bad to their digestive system.

[Poulet Frit]

And you can’t judge our plan when your original plan was assassination for no reason

[Is]

If we sold them to lions, we could tell them it’s human and we wouldn’t have to be lion to them. Although, I’m not sure how valuable the currency of lions is… Maybe we could resort to a system of bartering?

[Poulet Frit]

Patreon doesn’t run on the barter system, they wish to have money.
Whatever the lions trade us, we could sell, I guess.

[Manalive Smith]

Not for no reason, for the preservation of the ancient art of assassination, and because it’s fun.

[Manalive Smith]

Oooh. If they have things like zebra hides and elephant tusks that it’s illegal for humans to obtain we could sell those for a mint.

[Poulet Frit]

Ok, so is eating yummy muffins with a healthy amount of protein!

[Author]

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