THE HIVE-MIND CABLE
“Hey! Listen to this cool, hip, rad song man.”
“No way man, we’re A S S I M I L A T I N G _ I N T O _ T H E _ S I N G U L A R I T Y _ E N G I N E instead!”
“Here just give me your free-will, R E S I S T A N C E _ I S _ F U T I L E _ H U M A N.”
“The Hive-Mind Cable has been plugged in and now so are you-”
“S I L E N C E _ H U M A N!”
*45 minutes of no talking as Gabe’s intro music plays on a loop, gradually, ever so slightly getting louder and louder*
That would be hilarious.
“Hey, listen to this cool hip rad song, man!’
“No way man, you’re just going to play that stupid Taylor Swift song.”
“Wait, which one?”
“Just give me the Aux Cable.”
*Never Gonna Give You Up starts playing
I could totally see that last one happening next April Fool’s day.
I know, right?
“Would you mind voting on the March FACEoff? It’s the championship so I’m trying to get as many votes as possible.”
…to be continued…
I didn’t know we could campaign!!!
I thought…like telling people to vote for us fell under the threatening their lives rule!
I’m not telling him who to vote for, I’m simply asking him to vote.
I would say that’s campaigning for voter registration, not myself.
Maybe I read “I’m trying to get as many votes as possible” wrong.
Well, I mean I do want people to vote for me… but I’d like more people to vote in general.
…and I’m not specifically asking people to vote for me. That would be true campaigning.
I’d rather votes in general as well
Any other guy
“Hey, listen to this cool, hip, rad song, man!”
[“All I Want for Christmas Is a New Aux Cable Episode” plays.]
“You’re right, Ryan, that was a cool, hip, rad song. Kind-of makes me long for the days when we churned out a new podcast episode every week.”
“Me too. Too bad we don’t have time any more to edit new episodes.”
“Yeah, that is too bad.
[three second awkward pause]
“Do you think we could make time, you know, just this once, to make this Christmas wish come true?”
“Well…maybe we could…”
“Here, here. Just give me the Aux Cable; you’ll love it.”
“The Aux Cable has been plugged in, and now so are you.”
“Oh, okay. Sweet!”
“Coming up in this episode: We got snowed in so we have nothing better to do than make a podcast for you!”
“It’s a seven hour long special. There are just so many questions to answer and we have time to kill.”
“You think we should break this up and release it as multiple episodes?”
“That might actually be a good idea…”
“…but we aren’t going to do that because that would be too much editing. This week, ON THE AUX CABLE!”
*Theme music plays*
“Welcome to the Aux Cable! The show where we get you plugged in to advice on everything!”
“And this time we mean it literally because seven hours is a lot of time to fill. I’m Ryan Matlock”
“And I’m Matthew Bird”
“And Christmas is officially here for everyone who has been anticipating our return to the airwaves.”
“Are we really doing a seven hour episode, Ryan?”
“Only if it takes us that long to answer every single question, Matthew. Maybe it will be done in three hours, maybe ten. We’ll just have to see how long it takes.”
“Of course the listener can just look on the website to see how long the episode is.”
“That’s true. They already know how long the episode is.”
“They know if we are joking or if we’re serious.”
“Especially if they’re listening on an iphone. They know if we’re Siri-ous.”
“Haha, good one, Ryan. I give it a 10 out of 10”
“Because the iphone ten recently released”
“A very timely pun, Matthew. Be sure to “watch” out for more timely puns throughout this episode.”
“I see what you did there.”
“This is episode 037 of the podcast. Matthew, how are you doing?”
Thank you; hopefully Ryan and Matthew think the same thing.
I’m not crying a little.
I just really miss new episodes.
I’d really enjoy a new episode, alternate opening or not.
I think they should open with drinking a glass of milk
I wonder if the show will open differently after Ryan is married…
But, like… Will it still be the same??
I suspect “Hey, listen… …oh, ok sweet” will stay the same, but other things could hypothetically be altered.
Maybe putting wedding bells as the intro
That would be hilarious.