Once Upon a Time, Part 1

[Poulet Frit]

The creepy ogre-woman watched in awe as Peter reached out and kissed Robecca on the cheek.

“Hello,” Peter said to the cow, “it’s me.”

“Quit being so weird, you’re embarrassing me,” Carlos whined.

Suddenly the ogre-woman…

[Poulet Frit]

(Shoot. We did it again)

[Masøn M.]

(Not really, its fine… Mine kinda broke the storyline anyway lol)

[Masøn M.]

said to the travelers,
“THOU SHALT ONLY PASS IF THOUST CANST ANSWER THIS RIDDLETH. A QUESTION THAT HAS PLAGUED MANKIND SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME, WHEN OUR CREATOR, THE BIRD MOOSE, BEGAN THIS UNIVERSE. ARE YOU READY? OKAY…

WHAT IS THE AIR-SPEED VELOCITY OF AN UNLAIDEN SWALLOW?”

[Poulet Frit]

“I seriously thought you were gonna say, ‘where did he come from? Where did he go? Where did he come from, cotton eyed joe?’ but you didn’t.” Peter moaned

“I KNOW THIS ANSWER!!” Carlos shouted over Peter.

[Explosive Yeast]

Carlos pulled out his phone to google it. He didn’t really find anything. He also wondered how he did it without having hands.

[Masøn M.]

“The answer,” Carlos began, attempting to wing it, “is…”

Suddenly, he ground began to shake and crack, the sky turned black, and it began snow.

[Masøn M.]

(Changed to make more sense with Yeast’s part)

[Manalive Smith]

A man in a long white robe wandered out of the woods. After several minutes of fighting to get his robe untangled from a bush, he marched across the snowy ground to the ogress.

“Excuse me, I’m with the Department of Quality Control for Heroic Trials and Tribulations.”

“Why the snow?” Peter interjected.

“I’m cursed I don’t want to talk about it.” He turned to the ogress. “I’m here to perform a routine check up on the quality, complexity, and originality of your riddles. I hope that won’t be a problem.”

The ogress began to look nervous.

[Matthew]

“Can I see your phone, young alpaca?” asked the white-haired man.

“My name is Carlos the llama, and I’m a llama, not an alpaca.”

“Well, my friend, that’s not my department. Just hand me your phone.”

Carlos narrowed his eyes as he reluctantly handed his phone to this icy stranger.

“Do you know the answer to this riddle then?” Peter asked as the man typed something into Google.

“Well, that depends, doesn’t it. Is this an African swallow carrying a coconut?”

“I think that unladen means it isn’t carrying anything, so technically it couldn’t be carrying a coconut.” Robecca volunteered quietly.

“Don’t ask me! How should I know? It was her question.” The Ogress froze as Peter pointed to her.

“You. Ogress. What should I type into Google then? Is it African? European? Assyrian, perhaps?” The man demanded.

“There aren’t any Assyrian swallows!” Robecca interjected.

“I don’t know, I don’t know!!” Shouted the ogress.

And quick as a whip, the ogress was lifted high into the sky by some unknown force, then disappeared into the distance.

[Masøn M.]

“Manalive!” Exclaimed Peter. “Where did she go?”

“I don’t ask questions,” said the white-haired man. “Besides, I doubt it’ll affect your coming adventures!”

“Adevntures? N-no I’m just trying to get to the city… In fact, I should be there in a matter of hours!”

“Never assume the future, my young boy. Never. You never know what tomorrow holds.”

“W-what do you mean? Also, what is your name?! Why are you cursed? Do you really work at DQCHTT?”

“Enough! We will meet again soon, or, at least, you will meet me…”

“Look, I get that you’re the Inspector of Riddles, or WHATEVER, but that doesn’t mean you only need to use them!”

“I must go now…”

“ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?”

“Fare Thee Well,”

He backed up into the bushes, disappearing behind the greenery. Suddenly, Peter heard a faint grinding-like noise, and also flashes of light. And then silence. In fact, it was TOO quiet. This was when he finally looked behind him.

Carlos and Robecca were gone.

[Awkward Potato]

Peter stared in shock at the empty path. “Carlos!” he cried. The llama was his best friend, and Peter didn’t think he could go on without him. Not to mention the fact that he didn’t have a phone, since Carlos’ phone had disappeared with him. Peter had no idea where to go.

He continued down the path, not knowing what else to do. It was starting to get lighter, almost dawn. As soon as he realized this, he saw someone standing up ahead.

“Hi, I’m Dawn,” she said once Peter reached her. “Are you the one that’s supposed to be on a quest?”

“Why does everyone think I’m on an adventure or a quest or something? I’m just trying to get to the city so I can play music. And I want to find my friends Carlos and Robecca.”

“I can try to help you find your friends,” Dawn offered.

“Oh, ok, sweet,” Peter replied.

They continued walking down the path, when all of a sudden…

[Masøn M.]

the floor collapsed beneath them, causing them to roll through a tunnel and into a pitch black cave. The breath was knocked out of them, and neither were sure whether their eyes were open or closed.

“Dawn? Dawn are you okay?” Peter yelled, worried he’d already killed his new companion.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” she said, her voice echoing off the walls. “Just a little scratched up.”

Peter stood up and looked around, trying to follow her voice, but with the sounds bouncing off the walls it was nearly impossible. It was then when he saw a faint glow right ahead of him.

“Dawn, I think I’ve found something. It appears to be… glowing…”

“Don’t… don’t go near it,” she said, her voice coming from the exact direction. “It… it might be dangerous…”

“Dawn?… Why are you…”

“Just don’t, okay!”

“Fine then. What do you want me to do?”

“Just wait for me to find you… Please…”

So he waited. The glow slowly began to die down, and shortly thereafter, Dawn stumbled into Peter, straight from that direction.

“There’s something going on with her,” he thought.
But he pushed the thought out of his mind. Right now, he needed to focus on getting himself and Dawn out of this cave. In one piece.

[Poulet Frit]

(All the little inside jokes in this. Beautiful)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

It was then that Josiah appeared out of nowhere to note that there is no such thing as a cow with an undetermined gender. If it is a cow, it is female.

[Masøn M.]

“Oh dear… I must be hallucinating,” whispered Peter to himself.

“No, no I saw him too,” replied Dawn.

“Well then, Mr…?”

“You can call me Josiah.”

“Josiah, why don’t you help us get out of here and find my friends instead of correcting our lack of zoology knowledge. How did you get in here anyway, and can you get us out the same way you got in?”

“No, unfortunately,” replied Josiah. “I can only apparate once every 3 days. I realize now that I didn’t think this one through.”

“Uuugggggghhhhhhh,” Dawn and Peter both sighed in unison.

“Well, do you know of any way out of this cave?” asked Dawn, with a hopeless voice.

“Well, I actually…

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

…haven’t been paying attention to what was going on. Are we in a cave?”

[Masøn M.]

“I don’t believe this!” exclaimed Peter. “Are you telling me that you just chose to use up your apparation to get to us to correct our SIMPLE mistake, but didn’t even check to see where we were? I mean, I assume you have the ability to see or hear different parts of the world, considering you somehow managed to find out about Robecca! I can’t believe this is happening…”

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

“Yup. Sounds about right.”

[Dawn]

Dawn took a deep, silent breath, catching her frustration and letting it out in silence. As usual, things were getting out of control. They always did when Carrot showed up. First he’d correct grammar, then he’d correct logic, and then he’d make no sense. Grammar and logic don’t have a strong hold in this world to begin with.

She shook her head violently. No, no this time she messed up first. Zwounds! She GLOWED in front of Peter! She couldn’t afford to slip up any more.

Suddenly, she noticed the conversation had halted. “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. What’s happening?”

[Manalive Smith]

Peter was scrabbling against the rocks, but it wasn’t getting them much of anywhere. “We’re suffocating and you’re ending sentences with prepositions, and OH MY GOODNESS, why are you glowing?”

Well so much for that secret.

“Don’t stop now. We need the light. Josiah, help me out over here. We need to find a load bearing stone.”

“Okay” Josiah pulled a stone free, and nothing happened. “Hmm.” He whipped another stone out of the wall to no effect. “Now, might be a good time to let you know that as a world Jenga champion I am very bad at making things fall down.” As it turned out the load bearing stone was a large one near the bottom, Josiah spent several minutes appraising it before knocking it out of the wall with a sudden karate chop. The rock pile shifted, swayed, and locked back into place. “Huh. You know, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to manage that.”

Peter ran at the wall panic and tears in his eyes. “But, I need my Carlos!!!”

[Dawn]

Dawn laid a restraining hand on Peter. Her glow softened to a gentle yellow.

“Take a deep breath Peter. Panic never helps, only harms,” Dawn said gently.

Josiah rolled his eyes. “Great sleuthing there Captain Obvious. If he stopped breathing he’d be dead.”

“Deep breathing triggers the ANS part of the nervous system, Carrot.” Dawn said smoothly, her yellow glow maintained.

Peter whispered to Dawn, “Am I supposed to know what that is?”

The glow sharpened to a white as a line of worry appear on her brow. Carrot broke in, “Nope, that’s only for nerds. And you aren’t a nerd.”

Dawn’s glow tinged slightly red…

[Masøn M.]

(Can I just say how much I absolutely love this story so far… It’s amazing…)

[Awkward Potato]

(It really is…)
“I don’t appreciate your tone, Josiah,” Dawn said sternly. “You’re really not helping the situation.”

“Heh.”

Dawn nearly screamed in frustration. She took a deep breath and looked at Peter. “We’re gonna get out of here. Don’t worry. No thanks to Mr. Grammar Nazi over here,” she glared at Josiah “but we’ll find a way. Now, did you notice anything that looked like a landmark or something while we were falling?”

Peter thought for a moment. “Umm…I don’t think so. Wait! There was a huge tree right by the edge of the path.”

“Carrot, does that sound familiar to you?”

“Why do you keep calling him Carrot? Isn’t his name Josiah?”

Whoops, Dawn thought. “Did I say Carrot? Silly me.” GREAT job covering that up. “Never mind that. We need to figure out a way out.”

It was pretty obvious that Dawn was hiding something, but Peter decided to ignore it for the time being. “What if we-”

Suddenly, a scream shook the walls of the cave…

[Masøn M.]

All their heads turned to the sound of the scream. A shadowy figure holding a torch was staring at them in horror.

“Wh-who are you?” he asked, quivering. “P-please, don’t hurt me. I don’t have it anymore. I swear. They already got it. Just leave me alone.”

“Hey hey hey, calm down,” said Dawn, trying to soothe the stranger. “We’re not here to hurt you, we’re just lost.”

“No… No I’ve seen your kind before… Don’t lie to me… I know why you’re here…”

“Look, she is telling the truth,” interjected Peter. “We fell into this cave and we’ve been trying to find a way out for nearly an hour. We don’t want to hurt you, or take something from you… We just wanna get outta here.”

“And how can I trust you?” the stranger asked.

“Because of me,” Josiah bluntly stated, stepping forward.

“Oh. Oh my. Are… Are you?…”

“Yes,”

With a sudden change in demeanor and tone, the stranger whispered, “I apologize greatly. Uh, please, allow me to, uh, show you to my home.”

Dawn and Peter shared an equally confused glance. The stranger led them down a long tunnel, finally stopping st what looked to be a dead end. Without saying a word, he pushed on the rocks and they swing open with a creak.

“Please, make yourselves at home,” he said softly.

Inside the house, if you could even call it that, was, well, not actually all that much. To the side there was a fire pit, filled with ash. To the other side was what looked like a cot, made from thick branches from some unknown plant. To the back of the room was what appeared to be a shelf, carved out of the stone wall. It appeared there were spots where things once were, but the shelf was bare. But most shocking of all were the walls. Thousands and thousands of tally marks were carved into the cold stone, like something out of a cliche survival story. Besides these things, not much else crowded the room.

“Sorry there’s not more room. I’ve never really had, er, visitors before. Or at least not welcome ones,” mumbling the last part quietly.

“I’m… I’m so sorry. How long have you… you know, been here?” asked Peter, sadness in his voice.

“I don’t even know anymore. I gave up counting a long time ago. I gave up ‘hope’ a long time ago…”

“So, there’s no way out?”

The stranger began to laugh. “You really think I’d be here if I had a way out? My kind… We don’t have the special powers like that of HIS kind,” he said, gesturing to Josiah.
“We don’t have the… well, whatever you would call what SHE has,” he said, pointing at Dawn with disgust on his voice. “No, I was left down here. I don’t know why, I don’t know by who. I’ve had to learn to adapt. To survive. I had very little. A couple things I’d owned up on the surface. And the one thing that gave me a purpose. That gave me worth. And then they just came and TOOK IT FROM ME!” he said, rage filling his eyes.

“Calm down, please. I didn’t mean to…”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry…” a tear dripped down his cheek and splashed onto the floor.

Some time passed before Dawn spoke up and said, “Well, we never got to introduce ourselves. My names Dawn, and this is Peter and Ca-I mean Josiah. If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your name?”

He gestured to the corner where some kind of tag appeared to be buried. On it you could faintly make out an inscription.

‘Mason’

(Okay, yeah, this segment is kind of… well, REALLY long… but my brain works best at midnight, and it’s when creative juices are flowing… Also, how could I resist writing myself into the story, especially as a homeless, forgotten survivor. Wouldn’t have it any other way. Only a matter of time before everyone gets written in, and the entire gang is together. TOPHAT will be a thing.)

[Poulet Frit]

(I cannot add to the story as…5 hours ago I went to bed and sleep has been…running away from me this whole week. I am gonna try to get more sleep, but this is insanely beautiful!! Mason, dude, that…yeah, I love that! I have so many questions right now and I wish I could pick your brain. This has turned into something insanely amazing and I know it’ll just grow more epic!) (I’m on the edge of my seat for the next post)

[Slick Pickle]

“Mason” as the group now knew him, sighed. “I was captured by a robotic chicken that took the rest of my family when I was young. He had insane powers that I couldn’t match, like teleportation powers, could run extremely fast, and (just on a side note), loved to eat carrots.”

Everyone was stunned, but Josiah was surprised the most. He nearly fainted. Mason looked on in curiosity as Josiah wobbled. “No! I don’t believe it!” exclaimed Josiah, trying to convince himself he was safe.

“It’s okay, Josiah,” Dawn comforted him. “Don’t worry; you’re safe.”

Peter raised an eyebrow. “What’s going on, Dawn? Josiah? And Mason, you are COMPLETELY delusional.”

[Slick Pickle]

“Mason” as the group now knew him, sighed. “I was captured by a robotic chicken that took the rest of my family when I was young. He had insane powers that I couldn’t match, like teleportation powers, could run extremely fast, and (just on a side note), loved to eat carrots.”

Everyone was stunned, but Josiah was surprised the most. He nearly fainted. Mason looked on in curiosity as Josiah wobbled. “No! I don’t believe it!” exclaimed Josiah, trying to convince himself he was safe.

“It’s okay, Josiah,” Dawn comforted him. “Don’t worry; you’re safe.”

Peter raised an eyebrow. “What’s going on, Dawn? Josiah? And Mason, you are COMPLETELY delusional.”

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

Josiah then whipped a large amount of food out of his snackpack, and started consuming it at a great rate.
“I didn’t nearly faint because of the chicken,” he said, “it was because I forgot to eat for 25 minutes. Did you really think that I would nearly faint just by being told something? Oh. You did. Weirdos.”
“Will you stop calling me a weirdo already,” said Peter
“That’s the first time I’ve ever called you a weirdo.”
“Right. I was mixing up which planet I was on. Bother it.”
“Oh, so that’s why you look familiar. You’re that chap from Earth. I’m glad to see going through the inter-dimensional vortex shortened you a bit. I don’t like being shorter than people.”
“Weirdo.”
“Copycat.”
“Will you two shut up already?” Dawn and Mason said simultaneously.
“Sure, why not,” said Peter.
“I’d rather not, thanks,” said Josiah.
“So how are we going to get out of here?” Peter said.
“Well I inconveniently don’t have my trolley on hand, but I think this snow globe should do. Now then.”
Josiah whipped out a Swiss Army Knife and started tinkering with the snow globe. The globe suddenly expanded, and Josiah climbed in.
“HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!?!?!?” shrieked the gobsmacked Dawn.
“Well, I took the-”
“Wait. I don’t want to know.”
“Well that works too. Shall we be off?”

[Masøn M.]

[Ignore]

[Author]

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