Once Upon a Time, Part 1

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

(Wait, I’m older than Kristen? Sweet!)

[Poulet Frit]

(It happened years ago) (new time lords have been appointed since) (for all you know I’m 30)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

(Trube.)

[Masøn M.]

(Right. Time passed between ‘The Incident’ as we’ll refer to the fall of the Timelords, and now… But time is truly irrelevant in this story…)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

(Indeed. I mean I have my Time Trolley, soooo…)

[iamwho2017]

>>>Interlude II

“Doc!”

“Its not 6:37 AM yet. You should be in a state of somnolence…”

The hooded young man kicked his mentor/friend. “Wake up!”

“Sheesh, can’t people ever get into a state of REM anymore…” the scientist grunted, scratching the bristles of his facial hair. He never found it necessary to shave more than once a week because it would take time away from his work. “What is it?”

“We got to get out of here. We got something BIG coming our way. ”

The scientist, half asleep, noticed the vibration from the ground and quickly snapped awake. They scurried and gathered up their camp. They couldn’t see whatever it was, but the shaking of the ground was becoming stronger and the sound of movement was becoming clearly audible.

THUMP THUMP

Both comrades froze. Not far in the distance they could make out several legs moving in a sickly pattern. A single glowing eye twitched back and forth looking for prey. Then the eye stopped. And turned.

The two were in Gohma’s spiderous sight.

“RUN” the scientist screamed as he turned towards Hyrule Castle.

“What about the cliff!?!”

“Use that gadget, remember!?!”

Rats, the young man thought. He couldn’t decide what he was more afraid of: the fall to his death or getting eaten by Gohma.

When they neared the cliff of the Great Plateau, he pulled a string on his back as glider wings shot out the sides. He could see the legs of the spider wrapping around in front of him. “Okay Doc, this better work! Grab on!”

They both jumped and could feel the hair of Gohma’s legs as they brushed against them and began to descend from the plateau. Straight down.

“Doc! Its not working!!!”

“Did you– (says a a bunch of complicated things not understandable by those with an IQ less than 300)?”

“So that’s what you were telling me to do yesterday? Really?”

“I wasn’t the one using the last battery pack on a video game! And besides–” the scientist reaches out for another strap of the hooded’s backpack and pulled. “I think of everything”

POOF. A parachute came out and halted the free fall. “Yes, Doc, you do think of ever…”

He realized his glider rig was suddenly much lighter. He groped for his friend’s hand at his shoulder. “Doc, doc, doc,” he clambered, his eyes wide in fear. He looked down to see his comrade still falling, his grip lost upon deploying the parachute.

“DOC!”

The scientist pulled out a spherical device and activated it. A wormhole opened beneath him.

“Remember: its dangerous to go alone. TAKE THIS!” And as the wormhole began to engulf the falling scientist he threw the spherical device away. “Stop Kristen from recreating the Apocalypse!”

The vortex snapped closed and the scientist was no longer in world. The remaining figure landed and ran to the scene. Picking up the device, he tried to hold back tears. Not that he could cry anyway. But he felt like he could. He began to trek across Hyrule Field in the midnight moonlight.

He was now alone in Hyrule. His friend in some random universe without a Type W Bridge Opener. And an empty stomach. He passed the place with the best meatloaf in 30 miles. No meatloaf he figured could be good even if it was the best.

“I got to find Kristen and eliminate her before the Time Lords get back together. If they all assemble, it will be too easy for her…”

He tightened his glove straps and shuttered at the atrocities could unfold. “Kristen, wherever you are in this world, I will find you.” He pulled back the hood of his jacket. The breeze rustled against his face and hair. “I will prove to you…” His fist tightened.

“I am not your lover.”

[iamwho2017]

(I plan on this character joining everyone in the next segment. But I thought it be funny if I miss them the first time around just because he doesn’t like meatloaf. So if someone wants to set things up or when I feel its a good spot, I’ll have him join. And his identity [and mine] revealed. Sorry if my segments seem really serious. I’m not good with thinking of random stuff like giant bunnies. Hoping to be a bit more light-hearted from here on out)

[Masøn M.]

(YO I GOT FREAKING CHILLS READING THAT LAST PART, YOUR WRITING IS SO BEAUTIFUL UGH… I JUST… UGH… [I realize I say that statement a lot…])

[Masøn M.]

(Seriously though, don’t be too lighthearted cause oh my word… Write what you’re comfortable with… I do so wish I knew who you were… Just, yeah… Once again that was beautiful…

Totally not writing this at 1 in the morning either… Nope… Definitely not…)

[Jeff Ross]

We interrupt this increasingly fantastical tale to bring you an important message:

“Wow, what a cliff-jumping cliffhanger. Has someone ever said “I am not your lover” to you? Are you looking for someone to love in spite of your, ahem, “shortcomings”? Hi, I’m Ryan Matlock, and I’m here to bring you a message of hope. Did you know that there are creatures out there who are looking for someone to love, just like you are? Does that sound tube good to be trube? Well, it’s not. Let me introduce you to the Infatuation Station™! For just two payments of $16 per week, you can have unlimited access to our patented, luxurious, state-of-the-art automated kiosk that lets you meet people as desperate for romance as you are. Here’s how it works: Sign up over the phone with your credit card information and address, and we’ll make sure that the Infatuation Station™ is somewhere in your world and time dimension. Download our newly updated app for iphone, android, or Windows Phone to locate where the Infatuation Station™ is at any particular moment. Fly down cliffs, trek over valleys, fall into holes, or walk 30 miles between meatloaf restaurants until you reach your destination station. Then we’ll pair you up with someone who probably won’t mind your personality and behavioral “quirks”. Once you have a match, you will be sent a Facebook friend request so that you two can be friends on Facebook. Then go home and stalk away, totally adoring the fact that someone as insane as you are took the time to send you a friend request, and that you can learn about them without having to make your father disappear. Once you’ve learned enough about that person to know that you may not want to date them after all, come on back and we’ll pair you up with someone new. Who knows? You might even find someone that you’re remotely interested in, or better yet, isn’t “turned off” by your “questionable history”.

And, if you call in within the next 16 seconds, we’ll let you download the app for half-price! That’s right, only half-price! This app not only lets you locate the Infatuation Station™, but it also gives you discounts for Ryanair plane tickets, which is great if you forgot to prepare your own personal flying device ahead of time. So what are you waiting for? Call now!”

Announcer: Call 1-877-555-SCAM to sign up for the Infatuation Station™! Meeting your new Facebook friends in-person is not guaranteed. We are not responsible for any headache, heartache, hassle, expense, spiders, butterflies, apocalypses, or donkeys that you encounter from attempting to use our services.

“Don’t keep reliving romantic nightmares with procrastination station. Start pursuing your dreams again by signing up for the Infatuation Station™ today!”

We now return you to your regularly scheduled increasingly fantastical tale, already in progress.

(To me it seemed like a cliffhanger where a guy just jumped off a cliff was the perfect moment for a Ryan Matlock commercial. Hopefully you can spot all the differences from the commercial on page four, as well as the customization station that this commercial underwent to fit better with the plot so far.)

[Dawn]

(okay guys I realized that I forgot to explain something lol the reason why everyone got KOed is because Brooke removed the memory scramblers. Mason, imprisoned in the Power Bracelet, was actually released by Josiah. However, while Mason recognized Josiah as his releaser, it also made him feel like he was forgetting something and ran away before Josiah could ask any questions. Time moves much slower when you’re alone, so Mason thinks he’s been in the cave for a long time.

Also, Dawn, Mason, and Manalive Smith have had their “essences” taken away, which means while they are TimeLords, they no longer have Time Lord powers. They can’t bend time or magic to their will any longer. Does that make sense?)

[Poulet Frit]

(Random stranger, why must you hurt my love story?!?!?!)

[Poulet Frit]

(I’m somewhat joking, I love the direction this is going in)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

(More Zelda references. More suspicions. Also… are Windows Phones actually still a thing, Jeff?)

[Poulet Frit]

(Yes they are. Nokia Lumia’s are windows phones and I had one 2 years ago)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

(I have a friend that had one. I don’t think he liked it all that much…)

[Poulet Frit]

(I hated it with a passion)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

(I’ve heard they were pretty terrible.)

[Masøn M.]

(That makes sense, yes Dawn. I s’pose that means our next quest is to recover our essences, if that’s even possible…)

[Dawn]

(I want to know what my TimeLord powers are…)

[Masøn M.]

(Do we know why you glow, yet?… That’s the real question…)

[Masøn M.]

(I just thought about how amazing it’d be to have everyone record their own lines and turn it into a dramatic audiobook narrated by Ryan and Matthew on the podcast… Or just somewhere on the internet… Highly improbable and unlikely, but would be awesome nonetheless…)

[Poulet Frit]

(That would be epic) (dawn glows cuz I put a cursed her or something. It’s in the story)

[Masøn M.]

(Ah, that’s right, my bad… I skimmed through the whole thing last night to see if there was anything brought up in the past that needed to be developed… But we honestly have done a good job… I really did not see the story going like this, but hey… It’s turning better than I could have ever expected…)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

(Oy. That’s a good idea, Mason.)

[iamwho2017]

(Yeah, a voiced broadcast of the story would be cool)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

(You know what else would be cool? Clicking on your profile.)

[iamwho2017]

(No. N. O. NO. But my identity will be revealed no matter what by tomorrow)

[Masøn M.]

(Also, apologies Carrot, I didn’t realize that you had said that the meatloaf was in the castle kitchen… I realize they shouldn’t be at the meatloaf restaurant currently… Oh well…)

[Josiah the Carrot Stick]

(Hmm…)
(Not a problem, Mason. I think most of us have accidentally caused inconsistencies. We can fix them if we ever compile this thread into a single volume.)

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